Please check my essay

[swetam]

Cambridge IELTS 8: Test 2: Task 2
Q. Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

A. As technology has advanced it has impacted our lives a lot and also it has changed the way we communicate & interact with people. Further, any technology that is used beyond the limit it can have negative aspect as well.

With the technology advancement there have been many advantages in the field of communications. Today sitting in the office cabin we can talk with clients who are far away in some other country. Now we have access to video conferencing, emails, whats app applications etc. For instance, with video conferencing one can interact face to face with their loved ones who are located in different nation. News & information is shared on real time basis & this is only possible with new invention. The world seems to have come closer as people don’t have to write letters & then wait for days to get revert like it used to happen many years back. Now it’s quick & saves time. There are also many social networking sites where an individual can be in touch with friends & relatives at the same time can find friends with whom he might have lost the contacts.

However, people have become so addicted to new technologies that it has limited the culture of meeting in person. If at all they meet friends or relatives, it happens that people are busy with their hand phones either interacting with other friends or replying to some email of the office etc. which affects relationship. It may so happen that in future the new generation will be so tech savvy that they might be engrossed in their own world without bothering what’s happening in their family or friends. Thus becoming more introvert & would like to live in own world cutting off self from the environment with least interacts with people around.

In conclusion, it is very important to strike a balance between both. It’s important interact with our loved ones through technology as well as face to face to keep liven the relationships.

I know that this is a exceeding 250 word limit but still i have posted here to get an idea on my area of improvement.

[swetam]

Another Essay
Cambridge IELTS 8: Test 1: Task 2
Q. Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.
Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A. In today’s scenario where a child spends time equally with his parents as well as in school. Both play a vital role in instilling a child to be a good member of society.

We must acknowledge that in school a child is being taught how he can contribute towards his surroundings. These days many schools are taking various initiatives, whereby involving students to contribute towards well being of place where he lives in. For example: helping under privilege children, old age homes, orphanages etc. This has helped in making understand pupils the importance of giving back to society by being a good human. Also there are few subjects who impart knowledge on what are anti social elements & how it’s affecting the society. As a responsible citizen he should grow a matured person which helps him take decisions on what is good & evil for place which he calls his home.

However, many people believe that values, ethics are learned through parents as they are the ones who are aware of their kid’s psychology since birth & accordingly mould behaviour.
They train their children on ethics & values of their family. For instance, in case if a child has committed some mistakes as a parent they can teach what is good & bad, can punish thus accordingly they can bring the best in their child.

T o conclude, I believe that educational institutions can focus on development of their students during the hours that they are with them & the other time it’s the responsibility of both mother & father to have a check on their kid whether he is in wrong company or no thus controlling the behaviour if its alarming.

[swetam]

Hey friends,

Can you please check my essay & let me know whether its good for band 7 level or needs more improvement.

[durai]

TR: 6
your introduction is not clear, you listed benefits but not explained your examples, in the first supporting paragraph. Instead of giving many examples , giving one example with full explanation will take you band 7 in TR.

CC: 7
good part of your essay, ideas are coherent ,clear topic in each paragraph.
LR: 6
still good, but some word combinations are error.( least interacts, but should be "least interactions", hand phones could be "mobile phones".
GA & A: 6
you have some good complex structures, but to get band 7 , you need to get frequent error free sentences.
you have 15 sentences, and at least 10 should be correct , even punctuation. this essay have more punctuation errors.

overall looks like 6 or 6.5,