IELTSNetwork.com

You have recently ordered a book online, but the book was delayed and has not arrived yet. Write a letter to the manager of the company
- Give full details of your order.
- Explain why you need the book urgently.
- Suggest a solution for the situation.

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to inform you that I have purchased one book recently from your bookstore through the online services.But unfortunately,it is more than one week and up to date I did not receive it.

I tried to track the shipment through the courier website but it is shown that the materials did not pick up from your company.The tracking number is 24545412 and the book title is " Sales Strategies ". The whole payment done by credit card and the confirmation email received from both you and bank.However, the confirmation number is 123344YA.

This book recommended for me from my manager in order to gain my sales skills since there is new structure for my department and I nominated to catch managerial position. However, I have internal interview next week with the owner of company so I need this book as soon as possible before end of this week.

I would be appreciated if you check with your logistic department about the status of shipment.Beside this, you are kindly requested either to push them to send me through DHL express today or I can arrange to send my friend to pick up from your workplace.

look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Sulaiman Talla'a

Hi Sulaiman,

I see signs of good structure in your writing. The manner in which you've separated the various parts of the letter into paragraphs improves the fluency of the message.

There is quite a bit of awkwardness in your writing. "But unfortunately,it is more than one week and up to date I did not receive it." Please avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions, as this often leads to sentence fragments and awkward wording. Please also watch your tenses. Because you are talking about a problem that started in the past and has some connection to the present, the present perfect would have been a much more accurate choice. Here is a cleaned up version of the above sentence: "It has been a week, and I have unfortunately not yet received the item." (Please also notice that I put a single space after my comma.)

In addition to improper tense usage, I see several sentences that run on. For example: "This book recommended for me from my manager in order to gain my sales skills since there is new structure for my department and I nominated to catch managerial position." This sentence presents at least two ideas and should be cut up into smaller sentences. Writing shorter sentences is a great strategy to use on your exam, as it helps you avoid both writing run on sentences (examiners hate these) and making grammatical mistakes. Here is a polished version of your above sentence: "This resource was recommended to me by my manager, as I have been nominated for promotion. He felt the book could help bolster my sales skills, which will be needed following the restructuring of our department." (I'm assuming you meant something like this; the original sentence is a little unclear.)

There are several other areas of awkwardness in the remainder of the letter: "I would be appreciated", "push them to send me", "look forward to hearing from you soon."

My advice to you is to start by simply shortening all of your sentences. I think the main issue you face is that you are too ambitious in your writing. You try to use elaborate structures that your grammatical abilities are unable to keep up with. By shortening your sentences, you will force yourself to be concise and to rely more on cohesive phrases to create connections between ideas. These traits will increase the fluency of your writing and win you marks on the exam.

Please do not feel discouraged. I think there are several positive things going on in your writing (structure, logical progression, details). My above account focuses on the negative to give you a push in the right direction.

I would gauge this letter about a band 5.

Good luck,
Ryan