Please check my Writing task 2 and give feedbacks about my problems. Which score can I get for this essay?

[Doni Nacho]

Topic : More and more people are relying on the private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.


In today's world, it has been witnessed tremendous changes in the lifestyle of humanity that the role of vehicles has increased. An overwhelming majority of people consider that overutilizing the cars has disadvantageous effect to both government and individuals. In the next paragraphs, the issues caused by the phenomenon stated above will be analyzed and feasible solution is given

The first problem can be related to the damage of natural habitat. Precisely, nowadays most of the cars are producing a large amount of exhaust fumes and thus are leading to the further problems of air pollution and global warming. To exemplify, most of the metropolitan cities, such as New York and Tokyo, are facing the environmental issues because of overusing private vehicles.

Apart from this, it is commonly believed that that, relying on transports permanently is causing harm for the health of individuals. Instead of wandering around the city, every work or destination is reached with the aid of private cars. Consequently, the laziness of people is increasing and various illnesses such as overweight are being born amidst people.

Nonetheless, as it is never late to learn, feasible solutions can be made so as to deter people from suffering from the issues mentioned above. First and foremost, government should imply the regulations in minimising the driving hours in a day and increasing the tax for vehicles. Furthermore, increasing the awareness of people about the repercussions of overrelying on cars and suggesting people to utilize public transport can pe an opimal way to distinguish the issues.

To conclude, as the negative contributors of owning private cars have become more obvious, both individuals as well as government should take actions to stop the harm to environment and healthcare of humanity.
296 words

[Flick]

Topic : More and more people are relying on the private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.


In today's world, it has been witnessed tremendous changes in the lifestyle of humanity that the role of vehicles has increased.(<--Reword to: "The invention of vehicles has led to tremendous changes in our lifestyles.") An overwhelming majority of people consider that overutilizing the cars has disadvantageous effect to both government and individuals.(<--Reword to: "However, many people feel that over-reliance on cars has negative implications for both government and individuals.") In the paragraphs below, the issues caused by the phenomenon stated above will be analyzed and feasible solutions given.

The first problem can be related to the damage of natural habitat. Nowadays, many cars are producing a large amount of exhaust fumes which are creating air pollution and global warming. To exemplify, most of the metropolitan cities, such as New York and Tokyo, are facing environmental issues because of the overuse of private vehicles.

Apart from this, it is commonly believed that relying on private transport is causing harm to the health of individuals. Instead of wandering around the city, every destination is reached with the aid of private cars. Consequently, people's laziness is increasing and various illnesses such as obesity are becoming common.

Nonetheless, as it is never too late to learn, feasible solutions can be made so as to deter people from suffering from the issues mentioned above. First and foremost, the government should impose regulations to minimise driving hours in a day and increasing taxes on vehicles. Furthermore, increasing public awareness about the repercussions of over relying on cars and encouraging people to utilize public transport can be an optimal way to ease these problems.

To conclude, as the negative implications of owning private cars have become more obvious, both individuals as well as the government should take actions to stop the harm to the environment and our health.
296 words