Please evaluate my Essay

[harris]

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.
To what extent do you agree?

Allocation of a suitable person on a high level position in a company is a key factor to success or failure in the industry. Now a day’s equality to women is a hot topic in media. It is agreed that the companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of many high-level positions to women. This will be proven by the comparison of natural abilities of women and men and by creating a balance of justice in a society.
Naturally men and women are born with same natural abilities. Society and education furnishes the abilities of both men and women. This proves that the women are as much capable as men are in every field of life. As an example in many universities you can both men and women toppers in different subjects similar is the case in sports and other fields of life.
Compulsion of women seats allocation will create a sense of justice and balance in a society. As an example most of the western countries have the rule that anyone capable either men or women can apply for any position. This has created a peaceful, calm and equal opportunity society. Thus reserving some high level positions for women would benefit in many different ways.
The equality of natural abilities of men and women and balancing justice in a society between and women it is clear that companies should allocate a certain percentage of high-positions to women. These are important factors for any nation to flourish and succeed.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello, Harris!

Introduction - Nowadays! Is it agreed? Not in China, India, Indonesia, Brazil, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia ... Need I continue?!
First main paragraph - Whoops! I am a male and therefore am unable to give birth! The second sentence does not prove the third. The fourth sentence seems to negate your argument.
Second main paragraph - Compulsion rarely creates a sense of justice! It's debatable whether true gender equality has been achieved even in countries like the Netherlands and Sweden or Canada. You haven't explained why reserving some high positions for women would be beneficial.
Conclusion - Not demonstrated by the arguments you have presented.

Sorry! The vocabulary is not used to present a clear argument. The ideas, as presented, are easily dismissed as factually inaccurate.

All the best,
David

[harris]

Thank you for the valuable critics.