please assess my essay

[Doni Nacho]

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, as technology is improving worldwide, the internet has become popular and utilized nearly every part of the world. Multitude of individuals claim that with the increase of the internet usage,newspapers will become absolete and their necessity will stagnate in the past  without moving forward. In this essay I totally agree with this statement that the popularity of the internet would make the newspapers become a thing of the past.

Initially, it is undoubtedly explicit that more and more people are using the web everywhere such as educational fields and working sectors. Consequently, the role of the internet has been significant and it is impossible to visualize our lives without it today. Moreover, the internet convenient to find out data about interesting facts and important events that we are engaged to. One reason why the internet is famous is because it can create range of facilities for human beings to be entertained and as long as we have these opportunities we do not have to spend much money or time on reading newspapers.

Secondly,there is no doubt that both the internet and newspapers mostly illustrate current events or news and advertisements of up to date commodities.However, today our world include more younger people than older ones and the preference of youths towards the internet is higher than newspapers because reading newspapers takes much time and young generations have to carry them if they need newspapers. In these circumstances, newspapers might lose their importance and become a thing of the past in prospective decades.

In summary, taking every aspect into consideration , it seems to me that the popularity of the internet will overlap that of newspapers and  result in disappearance of them in the future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Doni,

Introduction - Good
First main paragraph - Not exactly on topic. Relate your points to newspapers and the stories in them. Also, not everyone has the internet!
Second main paragraph - The second sentence is too long. Overall, though, ok.
Conclusion - good

Overall, be careful of using long sentences and try to be precise with your vocabulary.

All the best,
David