Some people argue that teaching children of different abilities together benefits all of them. Others believe that intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Discuss both views and how do you think about it?
It is generally recognized that each child has different abilities. We should discover their unique talent and develop them. But at the same time, controversy has arisen whether genius children should be taught separately and afforded special treatment. Some people would argue that it is better for children to study together regardless of their abilities while some refute it. These points of view will be discussed in this order.
It is believed by some that children of different capabilities should be educated together because they can profit from studying together. For example, the intelligent students can easier integrate into the real world. It is argued that the clever students can learn how to communicate with others of different abilities. It can reduce their risk of social isolation problems. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view.
On the other hand, many argue that intelligent children should be taught separately as well as according to their abilities to provide special curriculum to them. For instance, if children have specific capabilities of swimming then we should provide some unique training course to the children. Thus, it can be most effectively to maximize the children’s learning potential. After analyzing this fact, it is clear why many support this claim.
In conclusion, the issue of whether sensible children should be taught together with others is supported and refuted by many. However, after analyzing these points of view, it is clear that intelligent children should indeed be educated separately in order to maximize their learning potential. Thus, dividing pupils of different abilities to teach is highly recommended.
pls grade my TASK 2 essay!!
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allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: pls grade my TASK 2 essay!!
The main problem is that I am not convinced after read your essay.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls grade my TASK 2 essay!!
why? may i ask you what is the problem of it?
Re: pls grade my TASK 2 essay!!
Hello Rairaichan0323,
I have some comments in your essay.
It is generally recognized that each child has different abilities. We should discover their unique talent and develop them. But at the same time, controversy has arisen whether genius children should be taught separately and . Some people would argue that [just write some people argue that, removing would, it will make your sentence strongly] it is better for children to study together regardless of their abilities while some refute it. These points of view will be discussed in this order.
It is believed by some that children of different capabilities should be educated together [you should change vocabulary "together" to "in the same curriculum", it is more academic] because they can profit from studying together [profit is not well-suited for this situation, it seems to be study each other for money, it sounds better with using "get more knowledge or more benefits" instead of profit]. For example, the intelligent students can easier integrate into the real world [First, easier is a adjective, so you should have "can be easier to". Second, you give an example, but it's not clear, it looks like a statement. You take a closer look at problem what you mean by "intelligent students integrate into real world". you should explain this statement by extending information] .It is argued that the clever students can learn how to communicate with others of different abilities [ this sentence is not coherent to previous sentence, you will lose marks for this]. It can reduce their risk of social isolation problems [this sentence is also not coherent to previous, you should use linking words like from this point, as a result, as a consequence, firstly, secondly, a third point,etc. it will make your statement easier to follow]. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view [this paragraph conclusion sentence is not strongly clear, you should give a clear statement link to your thesis and your topic sentence. why you mean by "this point of view", it can be understandable that you agree or disagree. Thus, it is clear that why some people gravitate towards teaching children with various abilities in the same class.
On the other hand, many argue that intelligent children should be taught separately as well as according to their abilities to provide special curriculum to them [you do not repeat "argue that" more, replace by "give that"]. For instance, if children have specific capabilities of swimming then we should provide some unique training course to the children. Thus, it can be most effectively to maximize the children’s learning potential. After analyzing this fact, it is clear why many support this claim. [this sentence is not strong, "this claim" is not clear and do not repeat "it is clear", replacing by "it is certainly true that why talented children should be separated from others].
In conclusion, the issue of whether sensible children should be taught together with others is supported and refuted by many [what you mean by "sensible children"? this sentence is not clear to your thesis]. However, after analyzing these points of view, it is clear that intelligent children should indeed be educated separately in order to maximize their learning potential [ you should points of view into both sides of topic/issue to avoid to repeat words]. Thus, dividing pupils of different abilities to teach is highly recommended
After reading your essay, structure is well-organization with introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the ideal of educating children together is not clear because it is not coherent. that means previous and next sentence is not linked together.
Grammatically, you have some repetition of words, so your grammar structure is average.
Vocabulary is not much. it can be band 6.5 or lower. hopefully, it helps you score up to be higher.
I have some comments in your essay.
It is generally recognized that each child has different abilities. We should discover their unique talent and develop them. But at the same time, controversy has arisen whether genius children should be taught separately and . Some people would argue that [just write some people argue that, removing would, it will make your sentence strongly] it is better for children to study together regardless of their abilities while some refute it. These points of view will be discussed in this order.
It is believed by some that children of different capabilities should be educated together [you should change vocabulary "together" to "in the same curriculum", it is more academic] because they can profit from studying together [profit is not well-suited for this situation, it seems to be study each other for money, it sounds better with using "get more knowledge or more benefits" instead of profit]. For example, the intelligent students can easier integrate into the real world [First, easier is a adjective, so you should have "can be easier to". Second, you give an example, but it's not clear, it looks like a statement. You take a closer look at problem what you mean by "intelligent students integrate into real world". you should explain this statement by extending information] .It is argued that the clever students can learn how to communicate with others of different abilities [ this sentence is not coherent to previous sentence, you will lose marks for this]. It can reduce their risk of social isolation problems [this sentence is also not coherent to previous, you should use linking words like from this point, as a result, as a consequence, firstly, secondly, a third point,etc. it will make your statement easier to follow]. Thus, it is clear why some people gravitate towards this point of view [this paragraph conclusion sentence is not strongly clear, you should give a clear statement link to your thesis and your topic sentence. why you mean by "this point of view", it can be understandable that you agree or disagree. Thus, it is clear that why some people gravitate towards teaching children with various abilities in the same class.
On the other hand, many argue that intelligent children should be taught separately as well as according to their abilities to provide special curriculum to them [you do not repeat "argue that" more, replace by "give that"]. For instance, if children have specific capabilities of swimming then we should provide some unique training course to the children. Thus, it can be most effectively to maximize the children’s learning potential. After analyzing this fact, it is clear why many support this claim. [this sentence is not strong, "this claim" is not clear and do not repeat "it is clear", replacing by "it is certainly true that why talented children should be separated from others].
In conclusion, the issue of whether sensible children should be taught together with others is supported and refuted by many [what you mean by "sensible children"? this sentence is not clear to your thesis]. However, after analyzing these points of view, it is clear that intelligent children should indeed be educated separately in order to maximize their learning potential [ you should points of view into both sides of topic/issue to avoid to repeat words]. Thus, dividing pupils of different abilities to teach is highly recommended
After reading your essay, structure is well-organization with introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the ideal of educating children together is not clear because it is not coherent. that means previous and next sentence is not linked together.
Grammatically, you have some repetition of words, so your grammar structure is average.
Vocabulary is not much. it can be band 6.5 or lower. hopefully, it helps you score up to be higher.
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rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls grade my TASK 2 essay!!
thank you tuonglau! your comment is very helpful!! thanks a lot!!