Could please anyone help me to review my essay.

[HaniAlnami]

Hello,
my name is Hani and this is my first post. I have been studying English for a year and I know my level is not good. I hope to improve my level with you guys

This my writing and I anticipate a lot of errors and grammar mistakes and even some sentences do not make seances.

I think this essay will score 5.5
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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In numerous nations people believe that parents are responsible to teach their children good conducts to be remarkable members of society. Other argue that this is a school job and teacher should teach pupils how to be good members in their society. This essay will discuss the two arguments and related with examples and conclusion.

With regard to the first argument, there are two reasons of why parents should teach their love ones good thinks. Firstly, home environment has a tremendous effect on children and only parents can get this opportunity to raise their children in the right method. For instance, when parents demonstrated good behavior in front of their children, inevitably, their youngsters do the same thinks because they learn by repeat what they saw. Secondly, children spend majority of their time with their parents especially before they attend to the school. According to the Cambridge University investigation, parents can determine what they want from children to be in the future from the first five years in their lives. So good parenting can provide good members for the society.

On the other hand, some people believe that school is more efficient to provide a good members for the society. Nobody can deny that schools have vital rules to teach children good characteristics. Schools are second house of the children, so some schools establish good programs for their students to improve their behaviors. For example, some teachers give the students some situations that will be happen in reality and teach them the appropriate methods to deal with these situations. These sort of practices will have great consequences in the futures.

In conclusion, although schools provide essential methods which can support society with good members, we cannot deny the rule of parents and what they can do to their children. In my opinion, parents have more opportunities to support our society with perfect individuals than schools.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Hani!
Not bad for only a year of study!

Cambridge University investments?

Overall, the essay is not bad, but I think that you have failed to address the question of what a good member of society is and how schools/parents create them. A good way to do this is by giving examples.

Grammar is actually quite good, as is vocabulary.

All the best,
David