Please evaluate this writing task 2.

[asadurk]

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people have a nature of doing same activities in their whole life, however, others desire continuous change in their day to day routine. In my opinion, both living styles have some merits and demerits.

On the one hand, people who do not want to change, actually demonstrate loyalty in their work. People, who stay in the same job and perform same functions on daily basis, are mostly the paragon of their work, and as a result their company can rely on them and give more responsibilities. Moreover, children, who are passionate to play only one game, for instance cricket, can pursue it as a career because by playing one game in their whole life they will become expert in that game. Furthermore, government employees, who perform their duties in the same department in their professional lives till their retirement, will get the provident funds and pensions and as well as their wives will also receive pensions after their death.

On the other hand, there are several merits for the people who welcome change in their lives. Firstly, they usually have multiple opportunities to get into new skills due to their tendency to accept change in the work, and as a result they will become jack of several abilities. Secondly, due to their ability of absorbing new things, companies mostly approach them to offer jobs with high salary and bonuses and as well as sometimes companies also offer them promotion, and consequently, their financial and living standards dramatically increase by leaps and bounds. Lastly, they think that the other benefits of switching their jobs are that they will have a chance to work with new people and involve in interesting and challenging works which give them opportunity to learn psychology of new people and to learn new things at work.

In conclusion, I opine that both types of people may live successful life but the ones who welcome change usually live stressful life in some period of life, especially at the beginning of change, while people who avoid change live a smooth life without any hassles.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Asadurk!
Introduction - demerits are deductions from a score for doing something wrong
First main paragraph - So, the person who does the same job for 40 years, whilst others around him/her get promoted is loyal and a paragon? Really?! So, that's what you will be doing with your life? You're hoping that the child who plays cricket will become a top player ... hoping. What if an injury forces him to quit? The government employee example is the same as the first one. Not sure what 'provident' means in this context.
Second main paragraph - Ah! Right! you haven't read my post! This is absolutely without any question whatsoever a terrible way to approach T2. First, this is true. Next the opposite is true. So, which is true? Confusing!
Overall, you have not presented a coherent position, only made assertions about the truth (some of which I have easily proven to be incorrect).
All the best,
David