Writing task 2 - Women

[shappy88]

The position of women has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Do you agree or disagree that many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

It is true that women's status has changed significantly in the last couple of decades. However, many posit that this has been mainly the reason why juvenile delinquency has increased due to the fact that mothers are busy working and have no time to nurture their children. It is disagreed that juvenile-related problems are caused by working women. Firstly, this essay will discuss the importance of women working nowadays and secondly, other contributing factors that leads to youth problems.

In our contemporary world, women have been given the freedom to work and it is essential for them to decide whatever they wish to do. Many mothers decide to get a job because they want to have financial independence and this helps the family, especially their offspring. In many developing countries, it has become a norm that married women should get a job as their husbands cannot sufficiently provide for their children.

There are other major contributing factors that consequently leads the young into committing crimes such as robbery, theft and use of drugs. Firstly, the media plays a pivotal role on consuming the minds of the youth. Movies and music are currently filled with illicit scenes and vulgar words which influences them. For instance, recently, a young adult shot more than seventy innocent viewers at an American cinema as he was imitating a horrific scene from the Batman movie. Secondly, peer pressure has placed enormous stress on the young these days. Most of the teenagers want to be popular and be able to fit in, thereby doing harmful activities in order to please their friends. Many are forced to use drugs or commit burglary just so they can be labelled as "cool".

In conclusion, I think that women who are working are not responsible for the increase in juvenile crime rates. They are actually doing it for the benefit of their children's future as well as there are other reasons behind the youth's problems seen today.

Hoping for an honest evaluation. *crosses fingers* :$

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Shappy,
I don't think that you have entirely answered the question. Many people (not me!) would argue that because women are out working, their children are free to be influenced by films and friends. If you disagree, you could try to explain why those people are wrong.
1. The evidence that youth crime is increasing is actually unclear. For example, in Britain, the police tend to take note of every small incident, whereas in the past officers would take the kids home and tell their parents, without making things formal.
2. A few people might copy crimes, but why do they copy them?
3. If young people commit crime in order to be more popular, how does a woman not working reduce this?
In other words, make sure that your arguments are clear - don't jump around so much.
All the best,
David

[shappy88]

Alright, got it. Thanks so much for your feedback!