Part 2: discussion - newbie

[JingHan]

Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm a self-studying person and I must get Ielts before 25/1. I hope you guys can help me. Thanks a lot.

Some people are concerned that travelling to other countries can surge up the local resentment against visitors. While that, other people think having a trip to foreign countries is an occasion for developing knowledge. In my opinion, globalization, which includes travelling from one country to another, is an all-embracing term that people should appreciate.

International travels would never bring conflicts between travelers and locals because it derived from economical motivation. It opens up opportunities for business development throughout the world. The locals must show their hospitality to visitors in exchange for their trust. In turn, the visitors probably should learn about cultures and traditional of the country which they will travel to for advoiding embarrassing situations. Thus, they will have a same view and strictly know that the acceptance of others ‘s cultural background is necessary for cooperation.

Distinctly, there are many indelible issues based on the divergence of culture, religion and social background. However, many problems have been solved because of high interaction, the higher level of communication and understanding. Arabians, for example, used to consider westerners as their foes. Now they have concrete relations with their western allies in many fields. In the initial stage, their discrepancy seemed inherent but over time, with better mutual understanding, they take the same position on many issues.

In short, the advantages of international travels still overweigh the disadvantages. It strictly is a valuable chance for improving interconnected process and it also opens a new century for human being – the century of cooperation.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - good

First main paragraph - The first sentence is an assertion which is absolutely untrue. The economic motivation, in China for example, to cheat foreign tourists, creates many conflicts. Your third sentence supports this. The last sentence is false. It is extremely unlikely that, in such a situation, the people will understand each other's culture very well.

Second main paragraph - Indelible? Higher level? Arabians have good relations with the West?! Have you been watching the news at all for the past 1500 years?!

I think that this essay contains very little real information and that the points are so completely incorrect as to make the essay incomprehensible.

Sorry for such feedback on your first essay, but this reminds me of the extremely low quality essays I had to mark as an examiner in China. You have to demonstrate that your points are reasonable/true rather than make assertions that attempt to make the world seem perfect.

All the best,
David