Please assess my Writing task2 topic: Air pollution - Causes and solutions

[Lan Tran]

Topic:
Air pollution is one of the largest problems facing the world today. What are its causes and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?

In modern society, air pollution is worldwidely becoming a grave concern. While there are several causes for this environmental issue, some effective solutions can be offered to reduce the amount of exhaust fume to the air.
There are two major reasons why the atmosphere is seriously polluted. Firstly, means of transport is one of the largest exhaust producers. Recently, because people have generated their income, the number of personal cars and motorbikes has increased significantly. As a result, they released to the air a large amount of carbon dioxide – which causes the air pollution. In addition, rubbish burning has happened frequently in urban areas. Therefore, the surrounding areas is contaminated by smoke and burning odour.
This environmental issue is difficult to solve, yet there are some possibility solutions to minimize it. First of all, to reduce the amount of smoke extricated to the atmosphere, people should be encouraged to use public transport instead of private vehicles. In this way, governments should increase the taxation on cars and motobikes as well as lower the ticket price of public transport. Moreover, they can also impose laws to control the burning garbage activities by factories and individuals, and fine them if they continue to burn itilegally. Thus, the waste gas would not be directly released to the environment.
In conclusion, it is clear that the main causes of air pollution are exhaust fume and smoke from vehicles and waste gas. The governments as well as individuals should take actions to protect the environment, otherwise, the next generation will have some respiratory problems and face the green house effect.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!
Basically, this is a good essay. I think that to improve it, you should include energy (electricity) generation and discuss alternative forms of energy that do not cause so much pollution. Alternatively / Additionally, you could consider the rising global population and the fact that each person is using more energy as people become wealthier and we rely more on technology.
All the best,
David