5th Dec essay question

[Aboaley]

Hi All,

Would you please check my essay and give your opinion. I'm seeking for Band 7

Question is :Environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual countries or individuals. in other words, environmental issue are addresses to international level. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, environmental pollution impacts are became hot topics in the media. The climate dramatic changes and its associated problems such as drawn, floods, land submerged by sea level, health problem and severe storms in land and sea are giving alarm to all world to take action. However, the action should be in coordination between all in order to give the coveted results. In my opinion the common work between all the world countries will only guarantee the success of the proposed remedial actions. In this essay I will discuss the why world cooperation is needed with examples.
Firstly, the pollution impacts are spreading across the borders and any environmental harm in any world’s corner will affect the environment in the other corners. For example, Chernobyl catastrophic nuclear accident in 1986 affected most of the countries in Asia, Africa and Europe for an extended period of time.
Secondly, the budget needed to fight pollution in terms of produce environment friendly industrial technologies to substitute the existing polluted technology is very high and beyond any country sole capabilities. Moreover, the mitigation of the existing pollution impact is never easy mission as it is nonsense to start mitigation in one country while another one still produce harmful emissions or discharge large amounts of industrial sewage into sea.
On the other hand, some people are denying the needs for common movement against environmental changes as they believe that the continuous changing is the normal earth behaviour and what happen now is a part of it. However those people ignoring the numerous studies and researches proofed the direct relation between pollution and many recent global problems.
To sum up, the world definitely need to work together in terms of funds and effort to stop pollution and restore the original earth condition and climate.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!
The introduction is longer than the individual main paragraphs! Cut it down.
Basically, your essay is good, with the main points clear and with good use of grammar and vocabulary. I think a little more detail on why individual countries cannot deal with these issues would be useful.
All the best,
David

[Aboaley]

Thanks, i will work in the introduction.