Please help assess my Task 2 essay and advise my current standing

[L_nguyen]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this great forum and this is my first post. Can you please assess my below essay and give me some feedback for improvements? Based on this essay, would I be able to get an 8 in writing?

Thank you in advance for your help!

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

It is widely accepted that museums are deemed to provide educational and recreational benefits to the general public. In recent years, an increasing number of museums have started to charge an entrance fee while others still remain free to visit. In this sense, there are axiomatic arguments both for advocating and disapproving of this policy, which are worth being analysed thoroughly.

Admittedly, the admission fee revenues may offer palpable benefits for museums. First and foremost, the money raised from entrance charges can be appropriated to fund the operation and maintenance of museums, sharing the budget burden with the state as there exists a variety of other sectors which would be more important to invest in annually, including healthcare and education. Another advantage would be that, being more financially viable, museums will be enabled to expand their activities and services. In the main, the entire society will be benefited from the money generated by charging entrance fees to museums.

From another stance, the shortcomings of the charging policy by museums ought not to be bypassed. Having been subsidised by tax money to preserve and exhibit valuable art treasures, museums are supposed to provide cultural and educational opportunities to citizens free of charge. If individuals, especially the impoverished, are required to pay to visit a museum, they could be discouraged to do so. One of the insidious repercussions of this would be that such precious collections of artworks containing a wealth of historical information and knowledge will indeed fade into oblivion. Hence, it seems evident that charging people for entrance to museums would play havoc with the cultural preservation of countries.

Viewed as a whole, albeit collecting a fee from museums’ visitors appears to be advantageous for certain reasons, the drawbacks of this policy may be difficult to gauge. On the basis of my observation, the disadvantages of charging the admission fee to museums far outweigh its benefits. Perhaps museums can raise funds by other alternatives, including advertisements and donations from private companies, to relax their financial constraints. In essence, museums should be the places where all individuals are entitled to visit at no costs.

(It's 353 words long. Is it too much?)

[Flick]

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

It is widely accepted that museums are deemed to provide educational and recreational benefits to the general public. In recent years, an increasing number of museums have started to charge an entrance fee while others still remain free to visit. In this sense, there are axiomatic arguments both for advocating and disapproving of this policy, which are worth being analysed thoroughly.

Admittedly, the admission fee revenues may offer palpable benefits for museums. First and foremost, the money raised from entrance charges can be used to fund the operation and maintenance of the museum, easing the budget burden on the state as there are a variety of other sectors which would be more important to invest in annually, including healthcare and education. Another advantage would be that, being more financially viable, museums will be able to expand their activities and services. In the main, the entire society will be benefited from the money generated by charging entrance fees to museums.

From another stance, the shortcomings of the charging policy by museums ought not to be bypassed. Having been subsidised by tax money to preserve and exhibit valuable art treasures, museums are supposed to provide cultural and educational opportunities to citizens free of charge. If individuals, especially the impoverished, are required to pay to visit a museum, they could be discouraged to do so. One of the insidious repercussions of this would be that such precious collections of artworks containing a wealth of historical information and knowledge may fade into oblivion. Hence, it seems evident that charging people for entrance to museums would play havoc with the cultural preservation of many countries.

Viewed as a whole, albeit collecting a fee from a museums’ visitors appears to be advantageous for certain reasons, the drawbacks of this policy may be difficult to gauge. On the basis of my observation, the disadvantages of charging an admission fee to museums far outweigh the benefits. Perhaps museums can raise funds by other alternatives, including advertisements and donations from private companies, to ease their financial constraints. In essence, museums should be the places where all individuals are entitled to visit at no cost.

[L_nguyen]

Thanks a lot for your help, Flick! It'll be appreciative if you or an examiner can advise how much I could get for this essay