Please assess my essay and let me know about its weaknesses and strengths

[abbasazarmehrput]

Writing task II

Being a celebrity has many advantages. Do you agree with this statement?

There has been a heated debate among people on whether fame brings more plus points or not. It is believed that advantages of being a celebrity are far more than its disadvantages. This will be proven by looking at both the high amount of money received by celebrities and popularity of celebrities among people all over the world.

Firstly, famous people receive a huge sum of money compared to other people. For example, Ali Daei who is one of the best Iranian football players is highly paid. As a result, he could afford purchasing a modern, full-furnished apartment in the northern part of Tehran without having worries about its general expenses. Additionally, he possesses an array of luxurious, chic motorized vehicles in his garage which cost millions of dollars. Thus, this example makes it clear that being a famous person has many ramifications.

In addition to this, celebrities are popular among ordinary people and they play as a role model for their fanatic fans. For instance, Lionel Messy, Argentinean footballer, who plays for Barcelona football club is known all over the globe for its unique technique and agility. His photos can be seen in all international newspapers like the Guardian and Independent, and all supporters of this club follow his latest news. As most people would agree he would be spotted by his supporters requesting for taking a photo with him if he went shopping in any parts of the world. This example clearly illustrates why being a popular star could lead to positive consequences.

In summary, it is felt that popular stars enjoy popularity among people as well as high salary. It is predicted that their popularity among people would constantly increase, and their wealth would balloon.

[Flick]

Writing task II

Being a celebrity has many advantages. Do you agree with this statement?

There has been a heated debate among people on whether fame brings more plus points or not. It is believed that the advantages of being a celebrity are far more than the disadvantages. This will be proven by looking at both the large amount of money received by celebrities and the popularity of celebrities among people all over the world.

Firstly, famous people receive a huge sum of money compared to other people. For example, Ali Daei who is one of the best football players in Iran is highly paid. As a result, he could afford to buy a modern, fully-furnished apartment in the northern part of Tehran without having worries about its general expenses. Additionally, he possesses an array of luxurious, chic motorized vehicles in his garage which cost millions of dollars. Thus, this example makes it clear that being a famous person has many benefits.

In addition to this, celebrities are popular among ordinary people and they are seen as a role model for their fanatic fans. For instance, Lionel Messi, an Argentinean footballer who plays for Barcelona Football Club, is known all over the globe for his unique technique and agility. His photos can be seen in all international newspapers like the Guardian and the Independent, and all supporters of this club follow his latest news. As most people would agree, he is often spotted by his supporters requesting a photo with him when he goes out in public anywhere in the world. This example clearly illustrates why being a popular star could lead to positive consequences.

In summary, it is felt that celebrities enjoy popularity among people as well as a high salary. It is predicted that their popularity among people will increase, and their wealth will balloon.

[abbasazarmehrput]

Thank you for correcting my essay, and please accept my apology for my late response