Page 1 of 1

Please assess my Writing

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 6:24 pm
by zein.ahmed24
Image

Please let me in which band i could fall in

Dear Mike

Glad to write to you !

As i told you during your last visit to Manchester i will be travelling for two weeks to Paris for the sake of business trip so i need your support to take care of my house and pet during my visit to Paris.

I will send you my phone number in Paris in order to ask any questions or inquire about anything as i know it will be a little bit something new for you looking after house duties.

I believe the most interrupting thing will be my dog " Maylo" , please make sure you prepare two meals per day , the meals are already prepared & packed in the fridge so you will just unpack and feed it directly.

I will send you schedule of Maylo's visits to the pet doctor, he is too near from my house and you can go there walking.

As for house duties , please make sure you clean dishes after you eat, you will just need to put them in Dish washing machine.

Regarding Laundry , there is a laundry near to the house& they send someone to me every tuesday & Friday so you can give them your clothes.

Please make sure you switch off the house lights and conditioner before you go out in the morning as the electricity fees is too expensive please take care !

Thanks for your co operation and support

Sincerly
Ahmed




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Re: Please assess my Writing

Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2015 9:33 pm
by Flick
zein.ahmed24 wrote:
Please let me in which band i could fall in

Dear Mike

Glad to write to you !(<--Delete this sentence. It is not necessary.)

As i told you during your last visit to Manchester i will be travelling for two weeks to Paris for the sake of business trip so i need your support to take care of my house and pet during my visit to Paris.(<--Reword to: "When you were last here, I told you I would be going to Paris for two weeks on a business trip, and I need your help looking after my house and pet during that trip.")

I will send you my phone number in Paris in order to ask any questions or inquire about anything as i know it will be a little bit something new for you looking after house duties.(<--Reword to: "I will give you my phone number in Paris. You can contact me at anytime if you have any questions.")

I believe the most interrupting thing will be my dog " Maylo" , please make sure you prepare two meals per day , the meals are already prepared & packed in the fridge so you will just unpack and feed it directly.(<--Reword to: "I have already prepared and packed all of Maylo's food in the fridge. Please feed him twice a day.")

I will send you schedule of Maylo's visits to the pet doctor, he is too near from my house and you can go there walking.(<--Reword to: "I will also leave you Maylo's vet details, so if anything happens, you can contact the vet.")

As for house duties , please make sure you clean dishes after you eat, you will just need to put them in Dish washing machine.(<--Reword to: "You are welcome to eat anything in the fridge, but please put your dishes in the dishwasher.")

Regarding Laundry , there is a laundry near to the house& they send someone to me every tuesday & Friday so you can give them your clothes.(<--Reword to: A laundry service comes by every Tuesday and Friday, so you can give them your dirty clothes to be cleaned.")

Please make sure you switch off the house lights and conditioner before you go out in the morning as the electricity fees is too expensive please take care !(<--Reword to: "Please remember to turn off the lights and air conditioner when you leave for the day.")

Thanks for your help.

Sincerely,
Ahmed




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk