IELTSNetwork.com

Please assess my writing and if a common mistake please let me know.

Thanks a lot.

--------------------------
In general , a lot of people believe they should stay at home town all their live just beside their family and friends but I doubt about that , in my opinion , it is better to travel or re-locate just to have better life or get new experience in some situations

One of the main disadvantage of leaving your town is missing your family and friends consequently you lose your supportive people. In some circumstances, you have financial problems and you parents stand beside you with the needed money and you will not find that abroad.
Another main disadvantages that you need to make new friends and understand the new culture of the hosted country. Beside that you should solve all your own problems with yourself, no matter what kind of problem is, such as social problems, conflict with others and so on.
On the other side , I totally support the travelling idea to new country as you will have a lot of new experience such as adaptation with new customs , understanding how other nations think about the same topic from other point of view and how to put yourself on the other shoes.
Also, the technology is playing an important role in the travelling and relocating approach as you can talk to anyone of your family member easily and could be free through internet.
You can make video conference and can see your parents on live chat so technology is helping people to travel more and more.
In conclusion, from the above pros and cons, we can see that a lot of drawback from traveling outside your country solved by new technology ad there is a lot of advantages of travelling abroad such as gain knowledge and new skills.

Hello Ahmed,

Many candidates tend to make absolute statements that are untrue if you think about them. Bearing that in mind ...

First main paragraph - Why do you 'lose' the people who support you? We live in an age of technology. Have you heard of Skype? Financial problems? Have you heard of international bank transfers? Why is making new friends and discovering a new culture bad? Why is solving your own problems bad?

Second main paragraph and conclusion - OK, now you are just contradicting yourself!

This is (sorry!) a VERY badly written essay. You are not presenting arguments. Instead you are simply making assertions.

The use of language is insufficient to make coherent arguments, due to a lack of vocabulary and grammar. Ideas are not developed at all and are often simply wrong.

I suggest a complete rethink and posting an improved version.
All the best,
David

Dear David , thanks a lot for your feedback and your words motivate me to focus more on writing skills,

please find below the enhancement



Recently, a lot of people are leaving their home countries and relocating in foreign countries to continue studying or working abroad, this tend to appear in adult age-group.
Personally, I support the idea for traveling to enhance the quality of live and the career path, in this essay I will discuss the pros and cons for traveling in other country.
There is a lot of benefits to traveling to new country such as improving your career path and getting new experience in dealing with different people in different cultures and that will broaden your horizons such as knowing new and make new friends.
Another advantages for traveling abroad is better quality of life such as better medications and treatments and many people in developing countries always try to immigrate to have higher living standards
Turning to the other side of the argument, language barrier is the most challenging factor to the new comers , as new people arrive to the host country cannot fluency the new language and that may lead to feeling lonely and in some situations make the person homesick.
Another problem may face the new comers is cultural shock such as new customs and habits at the host country and the arrivals cannot adapt with it such a difference may lead to isolation and depression at the end.
In my opinion, if you have a better chance to travel outside your home country with a good job offer or continue studying, it is better to decide to travel to increase your knowledge and skills .

Let me underline some of your mistakes:

Recently, a lot of people are leaving their home countries and relocating in foreign countries to continue studying or working abroad, this tend to appear in adult age-group.
Personally, I support the idea for traveling to enhance the quality of live and the career path, in this essay I will discuss the pros and cons for traveling in other country.
There is a lot of benefits to traveling to new country such as improving your career path and getting new experience in dealing with different people in different cultures and that will broaden your horizons such as knowing new and make new friends.
Another advantages for traveling abroad is better quality of life such as better medications and treatments and many people in developing countries always try to immigrate to have higher living standards
Turning to the other side of the argument, language barrier is the most challenging factor to the new comers , as new people arrive to the host country cannot fluency the new language and that may lead to feeling lonely and in some situations make the person homesick.
Another problem may face the new comers is cultural shock such as new customs and habits at the host country and the arrivals cannot adapt with it such a difference may lead to isolation and depression at the end.
In my opinion, if you have a better chance to travel outside your home country with a good job offer or continue studying, it is better to decide to travel to increase your knowledge and skills .

Dear Evgenii
Thanks a lot for update , I can identify some mistakes, please find the enhanced version

Recently, a lot of people are leaving their home countries and relocating in foreign countries to continue studying or working abroad, this tends to appear in adults age-group.
Personally, I support the decision for traveling to enhance the quality of live and the career path, in this essay I will discuss the pros and cons for traveling to another country.
There are a lot of benefits for traveling to a new country such as improving your career path and getting new experience in dealing with different people in different cultures and that will broaden your horizons such as knowing new and make new friends.
Another advantage oftraveling abroad is better quality of life such as better medications and treatments and many people in developing countries always try to immigrate to have higher living standards
Turning to the other side of the argument, language barrier is the most challenging factor to the new comers, as new arrival to a host country cannot speak the new language and that may lead to feeling lonely and in some situations make the person homesick.
Another problem may face new comers is cultural shock such as new customs and habits in the host country and the arrivals cannot adapt with it such a difference may lead to isolation and depression in the end.
In my opinion, if you have a better chance to travel outside your home country with a good job offer or continue studying, it is better to decide to travel to increase your knowledge and skills.

There are still a lot of mistakes left. It is all about your level of English. You should master English grammar to get rid of your mistakes.

Hello!

Yes, this is better, but as has been pointed out, there are a lot of grammatical errors.

All the best,
David

Could you please accentuate the mistakes in my essay:

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
=============================================================================================
Since ages, people are using animals for transportation, food and research purposes. While some people have animadversion against usage of animals for various objectives, others expostulate with them. They believe in the contribution of animals for human needs and I concur. In my opinion, it is imperative to make use of animals for house-hold activities because they are designed by nature to perform these tasks effectively.

To begin with, harsh treatment of animals is ubiquitous all over the world. More often than not, animals are exploited for various reasons. For instance, in countries such as India, people use donkeys to deliver goods to supermarkets. It is not uncommon for the people in India to smack a donkey in order to make him run faster during the delivery of goods. These attitudes by humans towards animals are uncompromising as the animals are unable to speak for their rights.

Despite the above arguments, in my view, animals are playing a vital role to provide effectiveness and smoothness on day to day transactions of human beings. They are playing an essential part to provide different services in a very cost effective and efficient manner. For example, in countries such as Australia, people like to keep dogs as pets because they are extremely handy to offer services of a night-watchman. It reduces the cost of hiring a security guard for a common man in Australia. Services such as these are vital for our society.

In conclusion, I believe that it is important to take advantages of animals in our daily basis work. In near future, I envisage a trend of using animals more and more for routine work by people.