PLEASE KINDLY ASSESS MY WRITING TASK 2 - JOB COMPETING

[hollanda]

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs. What problems this cause? What are solutions?

It is noticeable that a growing number of older job seekers are competing with their younger counterparts for the same positions these days. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, steps can be taken to mitigate these potential problems.

As older people apply for the same jobs with the younger, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue us that due to the obvious preference of employers to the older former workers with the advantages of vast work experience, many young candidates who are just fresh graduates or do not possess much work experience will likely to be ignored right from the application round. This is completely unfair for the younger ones. In addition, if the younger people cannot be offered a job, they will continue to be inexperienced. In other words, this trend may result in an increase in the unemployment rate of a country. Furthermore, youngsters can be more vulnerable to social evils when they are unemployed, which may lead to detrimental impacts on the whole society and also the next generation.

However, there are a number of actions that governments, employers and the younger themselves could take to alleviate the problems described above. Firstly, employers should conduct stricter and fairer competitions regardless of candidates’ ages. By this way, employers are more likely to discover potential young employees who may contribute a great deal to their company’s success in the future. The reason is that despite the dearth of real work experience, many young job seekers are exceptionally smart, open-minded and adaptable, who are also eager to learn everything, therefore they will unquestionably soon become competent for the job. Secondly, by offering internship opportunities with low salaries, employers can help their potential workers gain precious work experience. A third measure would be for the younger to do part-time job during the time being students, which will help them accumulate many practical skills and experience as well. Finally, governments should also increase subsidies for the unemployed in order to support them financially when they are looking for jobs.

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the old and the younger competing for the same jobs.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Hollanda,

First main paragraph - I agree that it is not a pleasant situation, but why is it UNFAIR for employers to employ experienced workers? The rest of the paragraph is good except for one massive logic problem. If the young are given the jobs, what will the older workers do and how will this affect society?

Second main paragraph - Most employers - and certainly almost all sensible employers - already choose on merit. Internships are different to jobs, as they are not paid. Also, most interns do jobs that are not really related to what they want to do.

Overall, the essay looks at the topic in a very simplistic manner. Counterpoints are not really examined at all and the suggestions could easily create more problems than they solve. For example, if these young people are as talented as you claim, why don't they establish their own businesses?

All the best,
David

[hollanda]

Hi David,

Firstly, I would like to thank you for all your replies recently about my essays. It seems to me that I have so many problems, among those the most prominent is about my ideas, they are usually too weak. Actually, I am struggling to find ideals and then expressing them clearly using examples or explanations. Do you have any suggestion?

Thank you,

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Reading! Then do some more reading! Read widely. Read newspapers and magazines that challenge your viewpoint. Some TV programmes (and YouTube clips) are also useful. Finally, don't forget to talk to other people, preferably from outside your usual social circle. You'll quickly discover that people with different experiences view the world in a variety of ways.
David

[hollanda]

Hi David,

Thank you so much for your suggestion. I did read everyday from some sources such as the Guardian, but from today I will start supplementing note-taking with the reading. Hopefully, it can broaden my mind.

Thank you again,
Hollanda