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Please evaluate this writing task 2.

Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2015 10:42 am
by asadurk
Today the high sales of popular consumer good reflect the poser of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent to you agree with these views

There is a ubiquitous presence of the Television and the Internet, and these are the predominant sources of the advertisements and there is so much influence on consumers of these advertisements, and as a result, they buy most of the product, which is even not really need of them, and I also agree with this point of view.

In today’s materialistic world, popular brands introduce their products several times in a year. People, who already bought items for their usage, just buy recent launched products because they want to show to their relative that they have huge collection of items of different brands, and as a result, they feel proud. Advertisements are the main source of getting information of these products and ambassadors of brands, who appear in the advertisements, give motivation to buyers to buy it.

Moreover, several companies showcase their offers through advertisements, and these attractive offers, which contain huge discount and as well as there are some offers in which people have to buy two or three products than one item will be free, are very appealing for end-users, and as a result, some people buy products because of these offers, weather they need really it or not and most of the people from the average family and as well as from poor family also buy these products because of famous brands.

In conclusion, I opine that it is a real fact that there is a huge influence of advertisement on people. It is only because of the advertisement, people know several brands and products and attractive offers influence people to buy products, weather they really need it or not.

Re: Please evaluate this writing task 2.

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 6:08 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

Introduction - I'm not sure about 'ubiquitous'. In the poorest parts of the world? Even in China, they aren't everywhere.

First main paragraph - What do you mean by 'people'? Are they doing this to show RELATIVES? (Not friends or to the public in general?) Huge collection? I don't deny that there are a few (in my opinion 'idiots') who have more than a few mobile phones in order to show off, but is this REALLY MOST PEOPLE?

Second main paragraph - Be careful with 'weather' and 'whether'! High end users? By definition this is not a large proportion of people.

Conclusion - You say whether they 'need it or not', but you haven't mentioned in your essay the things that people buy regardless of (or with little regard to) advertisements.

Overall, I don't think that you have clearly answered the question. This is because the essay is a) one-sided and b) only looks at a limited group of people in society.
All the best,
David