Please comment on my task 2 writing

[michelle11]

Cambridge IELTS 9-test3

Topic: some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Deciding how to improve public health is a challenge for the government. Some people opt for increasing the sports facilities for people which makes people more opportunity to do exercise. However, some said it was uselessness. In my opinion, building more sports facilities is not the best way to improve public health.

Education is the better way to improve public health. First, if the government provides enough health knowledge for the public, people can realize the problems of their life or habits. For example, if government provide healthy eating courses for students and parents. They can foresee the consequences of their unhealthy eating habit and lifestyle and encourage them to change their to eat healthier. Second, teaching people how to live a healthy life can raise their awareness of the benefits of doing exercise. Therefore, people will change their lifestyle and become healthier.

Increasing the sports facilities can let people get more chance to do exercise but cannot lead people to use them. Even though there is a swimming pool next to people home, they will not go swimming because they do not insight the advantages of doing sport. Hence, increasing the facilities not the best way to improve public health.

In conclusion, more sports facilities can let more achieve, however, it cannot drive people to do more exercise. In my view, educating the public is the most useful way to encourage people to pursue a healthy life, and improve public health.



Thanks a lot!!!!

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Michelle!

I'm going to jump on your first argument. It is a commonly made point, but does it really work? How many people do you know who think that McDonald's and sugar are healthier than fruit and vegetables? Actually, you make my point perfectly when you say that you can build new sports facilities but not force people to use them! Therefore, your whole argument collapses.

Vocabulary and grammar (particularly 'will') are not used sufficiently to create a coherent argument.
David