Task2-argument-excludes males or females from certain professions

[rairaichan0115]

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

In the modern society, women and men are commonly working together at the identical job and a place. Some employers determine whether they employ them or not which is based on their gender not their capability. I personally disagreed that excluding men or women from professions since their sex. There are two primary reasons for this.

Firstly, it is an undeniable fact that having mixed gender work environment is not beneficial to the company but also to the representatives. As each person has their weaknesses and strengths which are not determined by their gender and it is depending on the individual. For instance, there are enormous females working on a construction site. This makes it clear that construction work is not only occupied by males. Moreover, although I certainly agree that this type of job frequently have high physical requirements to accomplish it and the majority of men can meet their requirements, not all the males are physically as strong as you expected. Nonetheless, I would contend that not all women are physical weakness and they could also work in construction site too.

Secondly, and even more importantly, in the democratic community, it is promoting equivalent treatment to both men and women. To illustrate, in Hong Kong, it has an Equal Opportunities Commission. If you feel that you have some unfair experiences in your office or other sections then you can lodge a complaint to them and they will help you to investigate it and assist you to insist on a proper compensation. Consequently, we must follow the spirit of fairness as we are dwelling in a contemporary society. Although some of conservative countries may have some disagreements of this spirit, most of the countries are still developing this idea and I believe that it will be consented by all the countries in later years.

In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my opinion that because of gender and then excludes men and women from some particular professions is more cons than pros and it is not civilized behavior.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again!

Introduction - Good, but change 'disagreed' to 'disagree'.

First main paragraph - 1. 'not ONLY beneficial' (that mistake changes the meaning, so is considered a bad error!). 2. Representatives? Sales representatives? 3. 'it depends on the individual'. 4. 'enormous females' is completely different to an enormous NUMBER of females'!!! 5. 'as you expect'.

Second main paragraph - Irrelevant! Does not relate directly to the question.

Overall, not so good this time.
All the best,
David