Please analyse my piece of writing

[abbasazarmehrput]

Writing task 2

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both these viewpoints and give your own opinion.

There has been a heated debate among sociologists and psychologists on which period of life brings more happiness. Although a group of people believe that adulthood is the happiest period of one’s life, others have a different say about this. Both these viewpoints will be analysed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn in this essay.

The most key advantage of teenage years is the lack of responsibility. For example, a brother of mine who aged 17 went to compulsory military service while he failed to gain a qualification from a university. He would probably get a well-paid part-time job, and he could taste his first financial independence without being held accountable. This makes it clear why teenage years could be the happiest period of one’s life.

On the other hand, the most positive point of adulthood is that adults are independent, and people can rely on them. For instance, I have been working for a refinery for more than 10 years. all my colleagues are heavily relied on me when they want to make a critical decision because I accept the consequences of my decisions. In addition to this, my family depend on me financially and emotionally. Not only do I spend quality time with my children, but I also assist my partner to achieve her dreams. This example clearly illustrates why adults enjoy themselves a lot.

To sum up, although teenage years have many plus points, I personally believe that adulthood is the most joyful period of one’s life. It is suggested that teenagers should be held accountable and included in family decisions to be familirised with the process of decision making.

[Evgenii Rodin]

You are to discuss other people's opinions in the discursive essay, so you are not to provide examples from your own experience to illustrate their viewpoints in the body-part paragraphs. Study this model answer: http://ieltsielts.com/model-response-to ... july-2014/