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Hi David,

I would be thankful if you can take some time to judge my writing on below topic:

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'One big traffic jam'

How true do you think this statement is?

What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

Thanks a lot,

DI Truong
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For many years, it has been seen that the number of personal car has hiked dramatically around the world. It is strongly believed that this trend has forced many cities to encounter the high traffic congestion and to become a big traffic jam. In this essay, the above thesis will be justified by analyzing to what extent it is accurate prior to approaching viable solutions which might be used by authorities so as to encourage citizens not to use their personal vehicles.

Firstly, heavy traffic has rapidly been considered a headache in many cities due to the fact that current infrastructures are overloaded with cars. Take Bangkok for instance, its roads are becoming ridiculously narrow comparing to the number of newly registered and existing vehicles. It hence amplifies the traffic congestion. This evidence has showed that heavy congestion has been brought into play as a consequence of rapid increase in car possession.

Then, as the root cause has been identified, governments have to come up with feasible solutions to discourage the use of private cars. One of the possible approaches is to make people travel comfortably with the means of public transportation. One example is the Bangkok's administration, which has invested in constructing a broad network of electric trains, has successfully kept most of its people away from driving cars to commute by offering them with such a convenient train system. Another method which can be used by governments is to legislate a heavy tax scheme on car ownership. Singaporean might be referred as an instance, in Singapore, not only does such individuals have to think of 200 percent value added tax prior to owning a car, but they also need to include 20 percent for environmental fee in their yearly expense. Therefore, Singaporean are left with no other options, but utilizing public transportation such as buses, trains for commuting within the nation.

In a nutshell, without any skepticism, it is conclusively undeniable that cities are made to become a colossal traffic jam by the dramatic climb of private vehicle ownership due to inability to handle vast congestion of current infrastructures. However, this can be alleviated either by affording people with convenient public means to commute instead of driving personal vehicles or by engaging people into less dependent on personal cars via rigorous taxation scheme.

Hello!

Introduction - "It is strongly believed that ..."? That means people don't know for sure.

First paragraph - Good.

Second paragraph - Well, the 'solution' clearly has not worked in Bangkok. See your previous paragraph for details. There are other options in Singapore, e.g. pay the money.

Conclusion - Untrue. There are many cities where traffic jams only really occur during peak hours.

Overall, a little unclear, due to the vocabulary used. Always try to be precise. Using the correct modals and adverbs of frequency and degree helps.

All the best,
David

Hi David,

I come back with revised version of my writing. Would you please comment it?

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For many years, it has been seen that the number of personal car has hiked dramatically around the world. Many people have argued that this trend has forced many cities confronting it to encounter the high traffic congestion and to become a big traffic jam during the peak time. In this essay, the above thesis will be justified by analyzing to what extent it is accurate prior to approaching viable solutions which might be used by authorities so as to encourage citizens not to use their personal vehicles.

Firstly, heavy traffic has rapidly been considered a headache in many cities due to the fact that current infrastructures are overloaded with cars. Take Hong Kong, Ha Noi, Mumbai and New York for instances, their roads are becoming ridiculously narrow comparing to the number of newly registered and existing vehicles. It hence amplifies the traffic congestion. These cities situation has showed that heavy congestion has been brought into play as a consequence of rapid increase in car possession.

Then, governments, depending on each case, have come up with feasible solutions to discourage the use of private cars so as to mitigate the intensive traffic at peak hours. One of the feasibility is to make people travel comfortably with the means of public transportation. An example is the Bangkok's administration, which has invested in constructing a broad network of electric trains, has successfully kept almost all of its people away from driving cars to commute by offering them with such a convenient train system.

Another approach which has been deployed by governments is to legislate a heavy tax scheme on car ownership. Singaporean might be referred as an instance, in Singapore, not only do such individuals have to think of 200 percent value added tax prior to owning a car, but they also need to include 20 percent for environmental fee in their annual expense. Therefore, most of the Singaporean have seen imminent financial hassle when owning private car, and have decided to utilize public means which are affordable and cheaper such as buses and trains for commuting within the nation.

In a nutshell, without any skepticism, it is accurate that many cities as have been discussed, in which private vehicle ownership has dramatic climbed, are forced to become a colossal traffic jam during rush hours due to inability to handle vast congestion of their current infrastructures. Although the situation might not be eradicated, it could be alleviated either by affording people with convenient public means to commute instead of driving personal vehicles or by engaging people into less reliant on personal cars via rigorous taxation scheme.