All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?
In recent decades, obesity has become a rising problem all over the globe. Overweight-related illness has shot up in many countries, with no differentiation between children and adults. But what are the causes for this emerging problem and how we can overcome it? This essay will explain the most important reasons and will try to propose solutions.
One of the top list of the causes, Is the increase teenagers consumption of processed food. This may be because of the great effects of advertisements at such types of food. Now it is very popular to see children buying fast food daily. The solution for the government is to increase the tax on junk foods; this may lead to decrease their consumption.
Another reason, Is unhealthy diet. This might be due to high prices of fresh vegetables and fruits; however, the government can reduce taxes on fresh stuff as a way to cut down their prices. Other cause can be an unawareness of young adults about healthy food. In order to increase their awareness, the government should launch public campaigns on healthy food.
One more issue leading to obesity is decline sports practicing. Mainly this is caused by increase sports club fees which make it unaffordable for people on average salaries. Also Free exercise is difficult. Cycling, for example, is dangerous in crowded cities. The government should subsidize sports clubs so as to many people can play sport, and allocating more cycling lanes to encourage people to practice risk- free cycling exercises.
To sum up, Obesity is a growing problem with many reasons such as increase unhealthy diet and lack of exercise. To tackle this problem, the government and local authorities should implement new rules as taxes on junk food and subsidizing sport clubs to decrease obesity rates between children and adults.
Obesity Task 2 ( seek band 7 )Kind feedback
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raghadmamd
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: Obesity Task 2 ( seek band 7 )Kind feedback
Hello!
I think I might have a reputation for NOT giving 'kind feedback' but let's have a look at your essay!
Introduction - Good.
First main paragraph - You say 'the solution' but then immediately afterwards say 'this may ... decrease their consumption'. Will or may? Why?
Second main paragraph - 'Another reason'? Er ... no ... this is the same reason as before, though a different aspect of it. The first solution is essentially the same as the solution to unhealthy food, suggesting that these points should be put together.
A key problem of these two paragraphs is that they are not true. In most countries, it has been demonstrated that eating healthily is as cheap or even cheaper than eating unhealthily. Cost is not the key factor and may not be a factor at all.
Third main paragraph - Unconvincing. There are numerous ways of doing exercise for free at home. In China, there are many free exercise and sports facilities, but obesity is still rising.
Overall, I think that the key points (diet and exercise) are clearly true, but your solutions are unproven.
All the best,
David
I think I might have a reputation for NOT giving 'kind feedback' but let's have a look at your essay!
Introduction - Good.
First main paragraph - You say 'the solution' but then immediately afterwards say 'this may ... decrease their consumption'. Will or may? Why?
Second main paragraph - 'Another reason'? Er ... no ... this is the same reason as before, though a different aspect of it. The first solution is essentially the same as the solution to unhealthy food, suggesting that these points should be put together.
A key problem of these two paragraphs is that they are not true. In most countries, it has been demonstrated that eating healthily is as cheap or even cheaper than eating unhealthily. Cost is not the key factor and may not be a factor at all.
Third main paragraph - Unconvincing. There are numerous ways of doing exercise for free at home. In China, there are many free exercise and sports facilities, but obesity is still rising.
Overall, I think that the key points (diet and exercise) are clearly true, but your solutions are unproven.
All the best,
David
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raghadmamd
- Posts: 45
- Joined: Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:16 am
Re: RE: Re: Obesity Task 2 ( seek band 7 )Kind feedback
Thanks for your great jobDavid.IELTS.Examiner wrote:Hello!
I think I might have a reputation for NOT giving 'kind feedback' but let's have a look at your essay!
Introduction - Good.
First main paragraph - You say 'the solution' but then immediately afterwards say 'this may ... decrease their consumption'. Will or may? Why?
Second main paragraph - 'Another reason'? Er ... no ... this is the same reason as before, though a different aspect of it. The first solution is essentially the same as the solution to unhealthy food, suggesting that these points should be put together.
A key problem of these two paragraphs is that they are not true. In most countries, it has been demonstrated that eating healthily is as cheap or even cheaper than eating unhealthily. Cost is not the key factor and may not be a factor at all.
Third main paragraph - Unconvincing. There are numerous ways of doing exercise for free at home. In China, there are many free exercise and sports facilities, but obesity is still rising.
Overall, I think that the key points (diet and exercise) are clearly true, but your solutions are unproven.
All the best,
David
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