Poor student behavior (Task 2 band 7 Kindly Asses)

[raghadmamd]

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems?

Teachers respect is the cornerstone in the educational process. However, it is more popular nowadays to see students disobey their teachers with low conduct in schools. There are many reasons for this growing problem, in this essay, I will explore these reasons and will try to propose solutions.
One of the major causes is the lack of parents' supervision. This is due to increase work demands and decreases a life-work balance than before. For example, in our childhood, we used to get all the family together discussing our daily news and our progress in school. In contrast nowadays, it is extremely rare to see this habit, even during food time; some parents may be busy answering phones or replying E-mails. The solution is for parents to set an hour aside to communicate with their children on daily basis. They should also have strict rules on their behaviour at home as well as at school.

A second reason is the imitation of celebrities. It is more and more common for the recent drama to see unrespect as a way of making fun. Take Egyptian drama, for instance, there are two famous serials mainly about bad conduct at school. To solve this issue, Local authorities should pay more concern about the meaning of drama and morals being conducting through it.
Third Reason is banning teachers' punishment in many countries. I totally agree that corporal punishment is not the ideal educational method but in some situation, it might be justified. Another way to control students at class is by setting a mark of behaviour as it has been before.
To conclude, Poor students' behaviour is a critical problem .many factors contributing to it. We should all as parents, teachers, local authorities and government share responsibilities for solving it.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - Good.

First main paragraph - Good point, but how can we do this? The last sentence is a whole new point.

Second main paragraph - Which celebrities? Some are very well-behaved, e.g. David Beckham. What do you mean by 'pay more concern'?

Third main paragraph - In what situations, for example?

Overall, some good points, but you have not developed them sufficiently and/or made it clear what exactly you mean.

All the best,
David

[raghadmamd]

Hello!

Introduction - Good.

First main paragraph - Good point, but how can we do this? The last sentence is a whole new point.

Second main paragraph - Which celebrities? Some are very well-behaved, e.g. David Beckham. What do you mean by 'pay more concern'?

Third main paragraph - In what situations, for example?

Overall, some good points, but you have not developed them sufficiently and/or made it clear what exactly you mean.

All the best,
David

Thanks for your effort . Can you just tell me , Is My essay so far for band 7??

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