(PLEASE KINDLY ACCESS - Band 7 achievable?) Museums should be free of charge? (Advantage vs Disadvantage)

[Herwinnnn]

Many musems charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantage?
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There are plethora of museums charges for entrance fees whereas others do not need to be paid. This essay will first discuss the benefit of charging for admission and secondly, how people will react when visiting to museum is free.

To begin with, it is clear that the profit received from charging can be used to renovate the infrastructure of the museums. For example, a renowned Chinese museum, which is located in Taiwan, is currently listed in the top 10 most beautiful in Asia because they wisely used the money they earned, according to New York Times, a famous magazine. In addition to that, when a museums has got its fame, it can attract not only the locals, but also foreigners. Hence, receiving money from visitors help to upgrade the system of the building as well as its reputation.

On the other hand, although there are some museums that do not charge for admission, the people who enter into it always treat the opportunity as granted. As an instance, when I was travelling in China, my family and I visited a museum, which does not cost for admission, and we saw a male adult, who was eating there, threw the pamphlet given to that man on the floor. If this happens frequently, the manager of the museum would invariably call for cleaning services, which cost them. Thus, despite free of charge can attract more people to visit, it also causes several incessant problems.

To sum up, with the money received by people's admission, it can produce a great impact when profits are used wisely while because of the ignorance of the majority, free of charge often creates more work for the employees to do. Therefore, in my opinion, it is ideal to charge people for visitation as the benefit is more dominant than the drawback.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - The first sentence has to go!

First main paragraph - What did they do to the museum?

Second main paragraph - Well, all museums have cleaners. People throwing things on the floor doesn't only happen when places are free.

Conclusion - Free museums are likely to get more visitors. Therefore there should be more work to do.

Overall, this essay needs to be completely rewritten, I'm afraid. Points are either unclear, irrelevant or undeveloped.

All the best,
David