Page 1 of 1

Please review my essay

Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:08 pm
by Arvindnitro
Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Education plays a vital role in an individual's life. Few prefer university education for a better placement, post their graduation. Whereas, some people believe that higher education not only fetches them a good job, but also improve's one desire towards the society.

Answer

Generally, we have an opinion that a standard of an university depends on the placements they provide. An ordinary student's wish, when he enters his university is to score good academic marks and to get a better job before he completes his graduation. For instance, few has a mindset that the target of our education is, to make a good career path with a satisfying annual package.

On the other hand, many people think that university education gives wider benefits to their students apart from the career development. Such as social welfare growth, individual's character development, sports and other co-curricular activities. They believe that graduation is just a degree which gives a simple status in the society, apart from that we have more activities to be learnt from our universities. One should strongly believe that their education should not only benefit their individual growth but also help in the social and economic beneficiaries of his country.

Having analysed both the views, I conclude with my opinion, in the fact of pursuing higher education in university one should mould themselves by improving the individual's personality which is much beneficial for the society's enhancement.

Re: Please review my essay

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:00 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

Introduction - Third sentence - Really? That's not my experience at universities in Europe and Asia. It may be different in your country, but then you should specify which country you mean and why it is that way. Anyway, the third sentence makes no sense after the second!

Main paragraph - Just one main paragraph? This paragraph is a series of assertions without reasons or support.

Overall, a very weak essay. Points are unclear and undeveloped. The overall opinion has little or no support.

All the best,
David