Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targetting band 8

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shoxruh
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2015 6:32 am

Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targetting band 8

Post by shoxruh »

Should the international community do more to tackle the threat of global warming?
In the twenty first century, extreme weather condition has loomed large. The reason why plants, factories, cars have been churning out unparalleled emissions and exhaust fumes. It is pointed out that the multinational community have to take control of resulting in the risk of global warming and content with it, as other international establishment like NATO service to avoid the outbreak of war.

Firstly, the worldwide organizations have sufficient force to content with industrial nations such as particularly the USA and China. Because those countries are the biggest culprits, being amongst the greatest producers of emissions and exhaust fumes. And they are a major cause of the depletion of ozone layer. Inconsequence, those countries are giving eco-system a bumpy ride. To tackle this issue, the international community should neutralize the risks of global warming through creating a new way to deal with or deter countries from producing something that can result in damages for our universe.

Another reason is that the international community could introduce laws to limit emissions from factories and impose green taxes on drivers and airline companies. These laws highly likely to give a better result than expected.

In conclusion, the international community ‘s acts can be seen to be efficient by consisting of more well developed countries. If environmental protections are all the same to individuals, we may be in for more challenges than now.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targetting band 8

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

The overall ideas seem good, but they are not developed. For example, how can other countries put pressure on China and the USA?

The fact that the second main paragraph is shorter than the introduction and the conclusion is a warning sign!

All the best,
David
monir301
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2015 8:59 pm

Re: Please kindly assess my writing task 2 - I am targetting band 8

Post by monir301 »

Hi,

I would like to share some of my key points regarding this topic.

First of all, Multinational communities are in the leading positions, So it is very easy for them to impose laws regarding the environment and to guide countries according to these laws. Secondly, funding is also a factor. For example, the developing countries may need to improve infrastructure, here the international communities can play a vital role to save the nation and world also. Another important issue is that in leading international communities include almost every country, therefore Summit, Conference and so on environment-related things could be easily taken.
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