Hi, David, Could you please check my work.....

[monir301]

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organizations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



A common tendency among employees is to find a suitable work place. For this reason, some people want to stay the same organization and others not. Therefore, I think to stay in the same working place is good for whole career.

An organization consists of many things- culture, beliefs, traditions, attitudes and so on. So, an employee can easily match with these vital elements since employee has to pass his career life. Along with, working in the same organization also helps to get skills about a specific area. A skill is such thing that can be achieved by working same thing again and again. Moreover, a strong bonding with co-workers, employers have a positive sign to get a comfortable working place. Currently, I’m working in a Call Center. I had some problems in speaking, for example- I cannot communicate with the foreigners. But my colleagues helped me to overcome this problem that could be impossible if I changed my working place frequently.

However, some employees can feel boring to work in a same place. They could get more facilities to change their working place. Those who love to take challenges for their career; it is the best option to search new one. Along with, leading the career with dynamic view can give more facilities- more salary, good position, higher commissions, and so on. For example- one may not interest to sell products door to door and there is no option to change this position within this organization, so he can change this career and go to a suitable working place. As far as I am concerned, the profession with passion can give a positive trend for both employees and employers.
In conclusion, matching with a new environment is quite tough though there are some facilities and new challenges. Last but not least, working in a same place helps employees to work in a family and to make better performance.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - Therefore?

First main paragraph - Since? The example is unclear. Why 'can't' you communicate with foreigners?

Second main paragraph - Why can't they do a different job within the same company?

Conclusion - Why?

Overall, a weak essay with unclear arguments. A lot of 'extreme' language is used - e.g. can't - which fails to differentiate between people in different situations.

All the best,
David