Hi. please assess and score my essay. thanks.

[kakurine]

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?


In some countries, like the US and the UK, obesity among children is increasing and has caused some concerns. Moreover, the rise of fast foods have often been blamed for this obesity. In this essay, the author would discuss the reasons of the increasing number of children getting obese and the possible solutions to the problem.

Fast foods have often been linked with obesity and it is probably because of the way the food was prepared. The unhealthy food choices being served at the school cafeteria and the increasing number of junk foods in the market can also cause obesity.

Modern technology also plays a role in children’s obesity. In the past, children go outside and play, but nowadays, a lot of our young ones prefer to stay at home and watch TV or play video games all day. This inactivity eventually causes children to be obese as they lack the exercise needed by their body.

A good solution for obesity should start at home. Parents should serve healthy meals for their children and send them home made lunch boxes when going to school. Buying junk foods should also be avoided by the parents. Giving some quality play time with their children can also help fight obesity. School cafeterias should also prepare a healthier food choices for their student and more physical activity added to the school’s curriculum.

In conclusion, obesity can easily be avoided and managed if we start at home. Community involvement also plays a part to ensure that the children of our generation sta

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again!

Some good ideas, but they are not developed. We can see this from the short paragraphs.

All the best,
David