Please Kindly assess my task2-taking a year off

[jennylfm]

Many students take one year off between finishing high school and going to university in order to travel or work. Do you think its advantages outweigh disadvantages?

A growing number of students take a year off instead of heading straight to college after graduation from high school. Although it brings about plenty of negative impacts as encouraging students to opt out of college, it also has a wide range of benefits in terms of acquiring invaluable skill and experiences as well as independence. In my opinion, its merits outweigh its disadvantages.

To begin with, a year off between high school and college offer young students an good chance to gain many essential skills and impressive work experiences. For instance, through working or traveling, students can gain many social skills via communication with different people and collaborative experiences with others. These skills and experiences are an asset for them, which are likely to not only enhance their future job prospects, but also make them realise the importance of perusing college.

Moreover, taking a year off can bring out their independent nature. Without emotional and financial support from their parents directly, young students have to look after themselves and cope with the difficulties and problems encountered. As a result, they can gain indecencies through the process. Meanwhile, recent researches from Oxford university display that students who opt to take one year off are more mature when they arrive on campus in comparison with others.

However, there are some disadvantages. One main concern is that a year off between high school and college potentially and possibly encourage students to opt out of college and veer away from formal education. It is undeniable that further and formal education plays an significant role for students to seek out a decent job after graduation. Opting out of college because of a year off has enormous negative influences on their future life in the long term, which prevent them to find a job with high payment, consequently, provide a limited chance for them to live a stable life.

In conclusion, despite that taking a year off potentially encourage students to drop off college, it is more beneficial for students to gain countless invaluable practical work experiences and skills. Therefore, it is believed that its advantage outweigh its disadvantages. More students should be encouraged and supported to take a off year after graduation from high school rather than entering college directly.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The first main paragraph is not bad, but a few examples of what students might do would make it better.

The second main paragraph requires some more work. Examples would, once again, make it better. Which jobs/careers are you talking about? What if the young people find another career that they like?

Overall, reasonable, but could easily be better. Good vocabulary, but watch out for basic grammar mistakes!

All the best,
David