Could someone kindly review my essay and provide feedback and areas of improvement?
What band should I expect with this quality of writing?
Many thanks.
Question:
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Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Essay
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Age discrimination in the work environment has always been a subject of studies and especially when the role or position requires taking decision. It is argued either or not younger people are able to fulfill positions such as government ones. Some people are not in favor of younger people to take government roles however others think it is a good idea. Both points of views will be discussed in this essay and in this order.
Firstly, some people believe that only mature people are able to occupy important positions in the government. This is due to the high responsibilities and consequences of decisions taken in those roles. For example, a bad management of a prime minister, due to lack of experience, may lead to an economic crisis or a war in the worst case. However, young prime ministers have been elected in the past in countries such as Spain and Finland and their mandate were considered as very successful. After this analysis, it is clear that this point of view can not be supported.
On the other hand, some people are convinced that giving a chance to younger people to occupy significant roles in the government is a great idea. This progressive way of thinking may bring fresh ideas and new ways of doing politics. Younger people may also be more in line with young people needs and more sensitive to societal changes. For example, the French education minister managed to put in place new educational techniques in primary schools which have never been tried before. Thus, it is clear that younger people can play a key role in government and assume their position as much as older people would do.
After analyzing both points of view of having younger people in key government roles, it is clear that younger people have their place in government key positions. This is something that should be generalized in the future.
