How can I improve my writing part 2 within 10 days - David.IELTS.Examiner

[shahaporan]

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world.
What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

These days, Many people have become worried about the large numbers of youth crime . It is often that The rates of youth crime have increased significantly around the world and these crimes have threaten to human beings. This is essay will discuss the reasons for this and examine the potential solutions .
To begin with , there are several reasons of growing the youth crime .Firstly, A large number of crime have included with family and parents are responsible for this. This because at the present time , we can be seen that when parents are going to office or different types of sector for working , the majority of young children are neglected to the planet . They, For example, are watching a variety of television shows on television that these programs impact on their mental health , and that Also they are able to aggressive their mind and thoughts such as games , which are likely to be assisted the crimes,resulting in destroying children rest of life and affecting many people .
However, This has too possible solutions that these people can reduce different types of youth crime easily , first and foremost , A top priority of government should protect the youth crimes,with spending sufficient money in education . This , which encourages to children's to have a proper knowledge at school or university into the atmosphere , is indispensable nowadays .For instance ,in Bangladesh , It can be seen that the majority of people take a major role model to reduce the youth crime such as the poverty people who can not study properly due to spend money, get some beneficial tips . As a result , as they are educated person in most cities , economical improvements have
increased .

To conclude, Although many people are affected dangerous crime such as murder , Individual and government have become a good role model that is important . Therefore , I agree that parents are a great influence not to include children with the crime

Please say something . what is the problem in this topic

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Not a bad essay, but you need to explain your ideas more clearly. Sometimes, grammar and vocabulary interfere with meaning.

Why does watching TV increase aggression? (A better question might be why does watching TV only increase aggression in young people?)

Protect youth crime?

If you think that only poor people commit crime, you really need to read more!

All the best,
David