To David.IELTS.Examier and Flick, please assess my writing

[maianh]

The table illustrates the recorded population in millions from 1990 to 2000 and the predicted figures in 2020 and 2050. As an overall perspective, United States has a far larger number of population, compared to Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

To commence with, during the years under study, United State was a country with the largest population, whereas New Zealand had the smallest one. Standing at virtual 250 million in 1990, the USA population was still predominant throughout the understudy period with 275 million in 2020. In comparison, in 1990, Canada and Australia's population ranged between 17 and 26 million and only New Zealand accounted for an insignificant amount of just under 5 million. Following the similar pattern, the four countries all increased slightly during the 7-year period from 1990 to 2000.

However, it is predicted that the year 2020 and 2050 will see a dramatic change in the four countries' population, especially the United State. In comparison to the population records in 1990, the USA is predicted to have a surge of nearly 100 million. While Canada, Australia and New Zealand may see increases of 13, 8, 1 million respectively.
(175)

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No clear consensus exists over the issue of letting employees work in the comfort of their homes is of advantage or not. However, most people are biased to this novel trend in spite of its difficulties for employers.

To commence with, obviously in this day and age, working from home holds myriad merits, including job satisfaction and alleviation of traffic problems. First of all, many companies nowadays allow their workers to work at home with the only restriction is the deadline. By doing this, the workers may engage in their jobs longer as they no longer have to deal with stress caused by fixed schedules. For instance, a research in Japan pointed out that in this country, clock-in-clock-out has become a job crisis which made an average of 8 people committing suicide per day because of stress and strain. Furthermore, enterprises applying this new rule can save time for their staffs as they no longer have to stand still on traffic.

However, some arising difficulties that employers have to confront deserve a mention, too. In many cases, companies cannot stipulate the amount of time that their staffs work. As a consequence, it is hard for them to decide who devotes enough to time and who is genuinely fit for promotion. What is more, this new rule cannot be applied for some particular work. Take factory work for instance. Without machines and tools, it is impossible for staffs to work. Therefore, such jobs as online selling, the travel agency can adopt this revolution.

All in all, working from home is clearly incentive and manipulative for workers. Nonetheless, this job evolution is only available for some kinds of job and if enterprises do not adapt the technique deliberately, they may have to see a drop in productivity and working quality.
(283)


Please give me detailed advice on how to improve my writing to get 7 and higher.
Thank you so much.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

T1 - Good but don't just look at the total figures - consider the proportionate increases as well

T2 - Good, but try to look at different jobs and situations. Why might working from home create minor or major problems?

All the best,
David