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Question
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Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

Essay
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Schools and hospitals are paid services is most of the countries in the world. Some people think that those services should be free and financed by governments, however others feel like it is the responsibility of each individual to pay for them.
This essay will discuss both points of view and provide a reasonable conclusion.

Firstly, free education and healthcare will allow more people to access those services. Indeed, money will not be a barrier to access higher education and universities or to access healthcare. For example, in countries where healthcare is a paid service, many people do not visit dentists because of the price.
A free dentist will allow a broader population to access this service and thus to have healthier teeth. Therefore, it is clear that free schools and healthcare will allow a larger population to do higher studies and access healthcare. For this specific reason, it make sense why many gravitate around this idea.

However, it is clear that a small contribution should be required to register to a school or before seeing a doctor. This little contribution will act as a motivation for students to give it all at school for instance. It will also incite people to go to see a doctor responsibly. Indeed, a minority of people tend to abuse of free services.
A small contribution will regulate and discourage this minority from abusing those services. For example, people will visit a doctor only when it is really appropriate. Thus, it has been shown that a small contribution should be required for services such as schools and hospitals.

After analyzing both how a free education and healthcare will remove the barrier of money to access those services, and how a little contribution may motivate and regulate, it has been proven that a small contribution is probably the best option for those services. It is hoped that governments will finance the majority of those services' fees in the foreseeable future.

Hello!

Some very good ideas! I think some are little repetitive and could be more developed instead. In addition, a little more on education would 'balance' the answer.

Good range of grammatical structures and vocabulary. Mistakes do not interfere with meaning.

Anyone reading this should note that some points are expressed with precision - "a minority of people tend to abuse free services". This kind of clear expression leads to higher band scores.

Overall, there is quite a lot of room for improvement, but the basis of a very good essay is here.

All the best,
David

Thanks David for your feedback, It is much appreciated.