Old people care - 8 band require- please assess

[Shoab_a]

The care of old people is a growing problem. Some say the government should care for old people. Others say that it is the family’s responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Caring for the elderly are thought by some to be the core responsibility of government and other local authorities. However, in my opinion while I believe, that the care and love of the family can not be substituted, I agree that financially, caring for older population is government’s prime responsibility.
With regards to families, the impact that relationship relatives have with elderly individuals can not be ignored. Firstly, no money can buy the happiness a parent could have by meeting or communicating with children, whereas without that emotional satisfaction, the parents and the grandparents can not feel completely happy and satisfied mentally or emotionally. Secondly, individuals have various likes and dislikes which could only be acknowledged by close relatives and would not be possible for a stranger like a nurse or a caretaker to feel.
On the other hand, the burden of older people’s financial needs should lie government. Take medical bills for instance, which could not be beared by an average middle class family. Without financial support, adequate care and well being of the older people will not be possible, which could hamper the longevity and health of these individuals. Furthermore, these pensioners have their rights to their share of government treasury as they have contributed to the government coffers in the form of various taxes.
To conclude, while families are essential for old individuals, it is imperative that government authorities should shoulder the financial burden of these people as well. Ideally, both family as well as government should work together in the betterment of the elderly people.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. You make some good points and look at both sides of the debate.

Vocabulary is good but take more care with grammar. There are lots of mistakes though they do not interfere with meaning.

All the best,
David