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Using computers everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children .

Do you agree or disagree ?

Computers are inevitable commodity now a days . Children are equally fond and habituated of computers . There are lot of benefits of using computer however , we cannot deny the fact that there are more harmful effects on our children with its daily use . It can be proved by analyzing the following facts that excess use of computers can adversely affect the physical , mental , social health and the language skills of our children .

The top priority in the development of the children is their health . The physical health can be adversely affected with the constant use of computers . For example , they can face postural problems , poor eye sight due to strain , persistent headache , specific cancers like testicular cancers and list of other chronic problems . There are enough evidences that excess use of computers also leads to psychological problems in later life and social maladjustment because the children tend to remain in their own virtual world with computers for a long time and avoid human interactions. They get swayed away from reality . Hence , in order to prevent such conditions , They should curtail the use of computers to minimal.

The other essential aspect in the overall development of children are their language skills . It has been noticed that with too much use of computers in academic curriculum , students are loosing their writing and reading skills. Although , they can access tremendous academic resources due to the availability of internet but , at the same time they do not use too much of text books and also do not prefer to write . Thus , they loose reading and writing skills with passage of time .

After analyzing the above facts , it is clear that there are lot more disadvantages of using computers everyday by our children as it adversely affects their health and language skills . Hence , children should avoid excess use of computers .

hi tina,,,

try to use real time example,which is very difficult to counter attack by the reader.

for example,
take my cousin saran as an example.at the age of 10 he had postural problems , poor eye sight due to strain , persistent headache due to the excess use of computer for gaming.............



dont forget i am also a student it might be wrong

True , but you know it's so difficult to remember this typical form in the exam that too in 40 minutes . Ya , I agree that you have a point .

Hi Saran ,

Could you notice structure in my paragraph this time . I heard Ryan's video . As you know is difficult to apply . Anyways thanks for your feedback . At least u r trying .

hi tina,,,
its quiet easy to write about your personal examples and u can justify your personal story...reader does not have a choice to counter attack..if you talk in general he knows what ur taking about...so its my advice to write personal example

Hi Tina,
I have written this essay might be helpful for you.

Nowadays, children have been using computer for various reasons. Many people believe that computer do a little good for a child hence its usage should be restricted. However, it is argued that computer is very good for the children. This essay will analyse this after looking at, how computer not only beneficial in the children studies and it also enhances their mental ability as well.

To being with, computer plays an essential role in the academic sector, this way a child gets enormous helps in his studies. For example, in New Zealand many secondary school students use this for preparing their assignments by downloading research material using internet. Moreover, there teachers provide them instructions and guidelines by interact through this gadget. Due to this, it is cleared that computer helps in studies by various way; hence, it very useful for the children.

Furthermore, use of computer is paramount important in enhancing children cognitive ability. To illustrate this, a recent United States study highlights those children those use this technology have improved their reasoning capacity. It is further explained in this research as child plays various games, those require continue thinking. This helps them developing mental strengthen by frequently challenging their thoughtfulness; hence, computer positive role in the younger generations’ development is unquestionable.

To conclude, above shows that computers provide helps in studies as well as develop mental capacity of the child. Thus, it is proved that it is positive for the children. Hence, it is believed more parents will encourage their wards to use this in foreseeable future.

Well done Raj , it's a nice presentation . Let's see the comments of Ryan .
I think u can easily achieve desired score in this . Could you think and write it up in 40 minutes . I personally feel time is a major factor in exam .
When are you appearing for the exam ? Let's help each other as much as possible .

Tina wrote:Using computers everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children .

Do you agree or disagree ?

Computers are inevitable commodity now a days . Children are equally fond and habituated of computers . There are lot of benefits of using computer however , we cannot deny the fact that there are more harmful effects on our children with its daily use . It can be proved by analyzing the following facts that excess use of computers can adversely affect the physical , mental , social health and the language skills of our children .

The top priority in the development of the children is their health . The physical health can be adversely affected with the constant use of computers . For example , they can face postural problems , poor eye sight due to strain , persistent headache , specific cancers like testicular cancers and list of other chronic problems . There are enough evidences that excess use of computers also leads to psychological problems in later life and social maladjustment because the children tend to remain in their own virtual world with computers for a long time and avoid human interactions. They get swayed away from reality . Hence , in order to prevent such conditions , They should curtail the use of computers to minimal.

The other essential aspect in the overall development of children are their language skills . It has been noticed that with too much use of computers in academic curriculum , students are loosing their writing and reading skills. Although , they can access tremendous academic resources due to the availability of internet but , at the same time they do not use too much of text books and also do not prefer to write . Thus , they loose reading and writing skills with passage of time .

After analyzing the above facts , it is clear that there are lot more disadvantages of using computers everyday by our children as it adversely affects their health and language skills . Hence , children should avoid excess use of computers .

(Many thanks to Raj and Saran for their helpful advice. You guys have definitely provided Tina with some helpful direction for her writing.)

Hi Tina,

Before we even get started, please clean up that punctuation. There should not be any spacing before commas and full stops and single spacing after. As I was pointing out in another post, the overall impression you give the examiner weighs into the mark. Poor punctuation is an error usually made by very low level English users.

The first and most major issue in your writing is grammar. Please watch your plurals. "Computers are inevitable commodity" should be "computers are inevitable commodities". "Avoid human interactions" should be "avoid human interaction" or "avoid interactions with humans". "The other essential aspect in the overall development of children are their language skills" should be "the other essential aspect in the overall development of children is their language skills". "Evidence" is uncountable.

Please fix your use of "however". If your sentence has two independent clauses, "however" should be framed by a semicolon and a comma:

There are many benefits to using a computer; however, these are often negated by the drawbacks.

In the case that only one independent clause is present, "however" is framed with commas:

These benefits, however, are negated by the drawbacks.

Regarding tone, I think your essay is a touch on the personal side. Remember, you are supposed to be writing in an academic voice. The sentence "we cannot deny the fact that there are more harmful effects on our children with its daily use" is much too personal. Try rephrasing this to something like "However, the harmful effects computers have on children cannot be denied". This sentence should also more clearly link to the essay question (or you should add an additional sentence with a clear link to the question).

The logic you present in the essay, although muddled due to poor grammar, is apparent. I see you making efforts to tie your supporting ideas back to a centralized thesis, and this is great. But I would like to see clearer ties to the essay question. Fundamentally, you are trying to support (or refute) that computer usage is not a healthy option for children. There should be a concluding sentence in each supporting paragraph that reflects explicitly upon your position.

I'm going to say this writing is at about a band 5 level. I really think if you clean up that punctuation, polish the grammar and provide a clearer thesis and thesis reflection (in the supporting paragraphs) we will see a major jump in your mark.

Good luck,
Ryan

Hi Ryan ,

Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions .

Regards
Tina .

My pleasure, Tina.

(But why are you still putting spaces before your commas and full stops? )

Thanks for correction. I really appreciate your patience .

Regards,
Tina .