DAVID, Please check my writing! AIM BAND 8!

[Evgeniia]

Question:
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:
The issue of finding methods to reduce contamination caused by vehicles is high on the global agenda. Some people believe that to raise the prices on petrol is the most efficient way to combat the problem of road congestions and traffic fumes, while others hold the opinion that this solution will not prove viable. This essay will argue that increased petrol rates will not eliminate the factors lead to the problems at first place and that other pathways should be found in order to address the matter.
Firstly, many individuals have the perception of cars being the most convenient means of transport in everyday routine. For instance, parents, thanks to cars, are more flexible in their day-to-day tasks such as taking their children to school, shopping and commuting to work. Hardly could people be so productive if they had to use metro or bus services. Hence, if the price of petrol goes up, individuals will still prefer the comfort automobiles bring over the cost to maintain them. Instead, higher authorities should overhaul the whole system of public transport to make it more suitable for the needs of households. No sooner does public transport become more affordable and effective both in terms of time spent on journeys and coverage, than people start using it. As a result, the level of pollution will fall significantly and spare road capacity will be released.
Secondly, it is undeniable that nowadays cars are seen as attributes of luxurious lifestyle. Telling examples are big cities where the more expensive the car is the more prestige it brings to its owner. By dint of this, fewer people see themselves taking a bus to work. Even though their expenditures on petrol grow, citizens will still embrace driving. In view of the above, it would be a good idea governments to launch educational programs aimed to teach individuals about the harm of gas emissions and ubiquitous traffic jams produced by vehicles. Equally important is to educate drivers about the existence of eco-friendly automobiles that contribute crucially towards improvements in ecological state of our planet.
In conclusion, mounted prices on petrol alone will not help tackle the hard case of extreme traffic congestions and air pollution. This strategy should be coupled with enhancements in infrastructure as well as spreading awareness among population regarding how vehicles affect our environment


***I know it is too long***Working on it!***

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, not bad, but I would like to make 2 factual points that might influence you ideas on this topic.

1. In many countries (perhaps even 'most') fuel is subsidised by the government, making it cheaper than it should be.
2. Recently, oil prices have fluctuated considerably, and there is no evidence that this had any effect on traffic jams.

Very good grammar and vocabulary! Be a little careful with paragraphing. In the exam (and on this forum) it's a good idea to make paragraph breaks clear by skipping a line.

All the best,
David