please correct my essay thank you

[faizakk]

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outwiegh the disadvantage?

Generally, children have more capability to understand or to establish new skills quite easily during their childhood. However, a few specialist presume that very young people use their excellence more appropriately, if they start to acquire non-native dialects at an early age during their elementary school despite of intermediate school. Moreover, I will explain favorable or adverse circumstances accordingly, but it is more valuable to study new language in primary school.

The proponents of this view discuss that young children learn faster than adolescents which gives them more benefits in professions.In addition, they are less self conscious or shy in expressing their feelings or adapting new things. For instance, they are improved their cognitive skills rapidly by enjoying ,copying during games like in spelling and pronunciation which enhanced their ability.

In parallel, children of the grad school need to focus on academic subjects.For example, science, social studies and mathematics. similarly, they also took part in extra curricular activities rather to learn non-beneficiary language skills, which is a total waste of time with no use to their future profession.

In my opinion, beneficiary can offset obstacle to study foreign language at early age in elementary school instead of secondary school.

To conclude, all the given points , children can counterbalance, if they do learn skill which gives them more stability in their life as well as in their occupation.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, reasonable, but points are not developed much. We can see this easily because the introduction is longer than the main sentences! However, your basic points are good.

Grammar is reasonable. There are a lot of mistakes, but you do try to use some complex structures.

Vocabulary is good.

All the best,
David

[faizakk]

thank david, i consider your points and try to improve