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please correct my essay thank you

Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2016 5:21 pm
by faizakk
some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outwiegh the disadvantages

Generally, children have more capability to understand or to establish new skills quite easily during their childhood. However, a few specialist presume that very young people use their excellence more appropriately, if they start to acquire non-native dialects at an early age during their elementary school despite of intermediate school. Moreover, I will explain favorable or adverse circumstances accordingly, but it is more valuable to study new language in primary school.

The proponents of this view discuss that young children learn faster than adolescents which gives them more benefits in professions.In addition, they are less self conscious or shy in expressing their feelings or adapting new things. For instance, they are improved their cognitive skills rapidly by enjoying ,copying during games like in spelling and pronunciation which enhanced their ability.

In parallel, children of the grad school need to focus on academic subjects.For example, science, social studies and mathematics. similarly, they also took part in extra curricular activities rather to learn non-beneficiary language skills, which is a total waste of time with no use to their future profession.

In my opinion, beneficiary can offset obstacle to study foreign language at early age in elementary school instead of secondary school.

To conclude, all the given points , children can counterbalance, if they do learn skill which gives them more stability in their life as well as in their occupation.

Re: please correct my essay thank you

Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:33 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

The essay begins quite well, but then collapses in the second main paragraph (In parallel ...). You talk about grad school, which is not part of the question. Foreign languages may not be beneficial to all students, but you fail to explain why.

There are a lot of grammar mistakes. Vocabulary is very good in parts, then almost incomprehensible in others, almost as if 2 different people wrote the essay!

All the best,
David