Please asses my writing task 2. My test is next Saturday. Trying to get band 7.

[RevolverSly]

I'll appreciate any feedback, thanks in advance.

-In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

-Discuss both views and give you own opinion.


"Child labor is, historically, customary in almost every society. It was just at relative recent time that modern societies begin to value formal education in children. In this essay will discuss arguments that agree with child labor as a form to foment responsibility and bring training and arguments that disagree with child labor.

One of the most prominent arguments against child labor is related to the lack of development of children, neither physically or mentally. The time one children spend working is the time that he got to go to the school. As children lack of any kind of experience they are employed with wages below the legal minimum. Health issues are also a problem, work conditions often are deplorable because children do not represent a vocal group for work providers. If education is neglected to children a poverty cycle is created; they cannot scale the work ladder because they do not have preparation and they do not have preparation because they spend their time working.

In the positive side, work is an environment where many like skills are promoted, children may learn to be responsible more efficiently in a work condition. Also, many jobs demand a progressive learning and this is a chance to children to find their vocation and get work experience.

In my opinion, childhood is a very particular stage in life, when you can afford many mistakes and experimentation. If you spend this time taking big responsibilities, like a job, you may ruin your best chance to get education and formation. There will be another time when you can take the advantage of being employed, but for me, childhood is the time for learn, play and grown up."

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Don't mix up 'neither' and 'either'!

Experience and the legal minimum are unrelated.

When you talk about health problems, you need to specify what you mean. I worked when I was a child and suffered no ill-effects at all.

If the work conditions are bad, then why aren't the parents doing something?

Overall, your points MIGHT be reasonable, but without specific information they are questionable at best. This affects the overall comprehension of the essay - i.e. what are you talking about exactly?

You say that they cannot get promoted, then claim that it is good work experience. What do you mean?

Vocabulary appears good, but is not used effectively. Grammatically, focus more on using modals to allow exact expression.

All the best,
David