please review my task 2 essay, target 8, exam time 16 Apr.

[Aimee]

Task 2
Nowadays leisure industry products and modern gadgets are widely used by young people. The use of these products reduces the young generation’s creativity. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

Leisure industry has started to thrive since the middle of last century. As a broad term, it includes everything that involves occupying people’s leisure hours. Currently, numerous devices and gadgets are designed to best accommodate the needs for entertainment. It is argued that this trend indicates the infinite creativity of mankind, meanwhile, it in turns sparks further innovation out of the public.
Firstly, the evolvement of leisure industry relies on excellent creativity to design various products and services that cater to customers’ demands. Disneyland resort is a good example here. It not only includes rides but also shopping excursions, places to stay and a variety of dining options. The novelty and adventure it provides attracts numerous visitors the world over. As an important sector in the economy, this industry provides many employment opportunities that require corresponding creativity in the young generations. Thus, creativity is a crucial ingredient that boosts leisure industry which in turn motivates the creativity among young generations.
Secondly, these gadgets provide more space for people’s creativity coming to full swing. Take a latest gadget invention for example. The special pencil 53, with surface pressure, erase, blend, and adaptive palm rejection, puts creative possibility in your hands. It is perfectly compatible with iPad and iPhone and keeps users in the flow of imaginative without needing to switch tools. This great tool inspires great ideas. As this shows, these produces catalyst creativity instead of refraining them.
Following the above discussion, it is apparent that the products of leisure industry provide people with joy and happiness and promote the next generation’s creativity. It is expected that more amazing products are developed it this industry.

p.s. I would be really appreciate if you could give me an overall band and separate scores of the four marking areas.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The second sentence is completely meaningless.

Excellent creativity?

However, the rest of the essay gets better. Vocabulary and grammar are both good.

All the best,
David