Hi,could you please check my Task 2, and mark it, if possible. Thank you

[Aimee]

Task 2
Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

People have different views on the measurement of a country’s success. There are a vast variety of factors to describe a nation’s overall development, such as gross domestic product (GDP), general health, literacy rates, levels of crime, political freedom and social freedom. Due to its complexity, this subject is considered more of an art than an accurate science. It is argued that among these factors GDP is the most important one. This will be proven by looking at its measurability and its relationship with other indexes.
Firstly, the indicator of GDP has been widely used by economists due to its merits of being countable and comparable. It also simplifies the process of evaluating a whole country. For instance, countries with distinct history and culture beliefs are very likely to have different perception on political freedom. Therefore it is not viable to compare these countries based on this factor. However, GDP measures the material prosperity of individual country, providing an objective metric between different countries. Thus, in spite of certain defects GDP has, it is still seen the most popular standard in terms of evaluating a nation’s development.
Secondly, GDP can act as a summary of a couple of indicators because there exists certain positive correlation between GDP and other indicators. For example, if the total output of a nation increases, it will have more resources dedicated to the education sector and consequently the access to education will increase. As is shown, there are certain reasons for GDP being used as a dominant factor to measure a country’s success.
After analysing how GDP is used as a comparable figure between countries and as a holistic figure of many other indicators, it is believed that it is by far the most appropriate way in the assessment of a country’s strength.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, not bad, but you do seem to dismiss the other factors whilst overlooking the problems of using GDP. You discuss the relationship between GDP and education, but dismiss the relationship between literacy and education, which is likely to even stronger.

Many economists would actually disagree about GDP being objective. It doesn't take into account the cost of living, for example.

Vocabulary and grammar are very good.

All the best,
David