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Writing task 2 .. please rate if possible sir..

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:11 am
by nerieryanc
In many countries and cultures, teenagers are expected to follow their parents' advice. What kinds of advice do parents often give their children? Do you think that teenagers should always follow this advice?


Parents play an imperative role in our lives. They are our chief providers, teachers, advisers, and even our worst critics for the purpose of molding us into better Christians and members of the society. In my own point of view, I regard them as the most influential people in life for I believe whatever goals they have planned for us, I discern that their purpose is upright and for our own benefit.

Based on my own experience in the family and my friends, the most common advice parents impart to their children are the good values and attitudes to develop them to be good Christians and members of the society, to be responsible in every action they do and strive in school to attain success in life.

In my personal experience in the family, our parents would always instill these things in our minds that I always try to apply on a daily basis even at present. I am constantly being certain of the idea that if we will adhere to their guidance, no harm will befall us but instead good things and success will arise. I am able share these for the reason that I become thriving in the things I do now, basically in my chosen profession by applying these principles.

As a conclusion to this matter I firmly believe that teenagers have to follow their parent’s advice. They are our protectors and best life educators for they know the things that are best for us. Perhaps, lack of parental guidance would often result to failure to attain self discipline and unable to achieve success the person is capable of.

Re: Writing task 2 .. please rate if possible sir..

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 11:57 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

The introduction is longer than the first main paragraph, which is generally a warning sign!

The ideas are repeated and not very specific. Two other things that come to mind are a) what about when parents don't do this and b) what if there is a difference of opinion between parents and children?

As a simple example, the vast majority of parents, particularly in developing countries, are not aware (or barely aware) of the jobs available in the modern economy. What does the average rice farmer know about developing apps?

Vocabulary seems good, but is not used precisely. Grammar is very accurate, but only a limited range of structures are used (e.g. few conditionals and modals).

All the best,
David