GOING ABROAD FOR HIGHER STUDIES IS A THRILLING IDEA FOR MANY PEOPLE. WHAT AR THE PROBLEMS FACED BY THE STUDENTS, WHEN THEY GO ABROAD? ALSO DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES OF STUDYING THERE.
"To see a bright sun, we need to cross darkness". When people go abroad they have to challenge much darkness to view brightness. They may have thrilling and chilling thoughts about new environment, meeting new colleagues, getting exposure to variety of new experiences.
'Experience makes the man perfect'. Every one perspires, when they do anything or go any where first time. If they grapple with the problem, the thorns can change in to flowers. In the world each country is unique and they have different culture, food pattern etc. Students who go abroad may be perspired because of new exposure. Language problem is the most important one. Even-though they are very fluent in English, probably they may face difficulty in understanding the slang and pronunciation,they feel like 'aliens' themselves without understanding the communication of others. Perhaps they may fell loneliness and homesick, since they are away from their family. Next Racial discrimination should be considered. It is a major problem in other countries. although it is banned, many countries show discrimination in race. The vital problem is the perception of particular person who goes abroad. If he/she perceives in distinct way from actual, this poses various problems to him/her. When they overcome all these hindrances they can obtain good opportunities.
Obviously, the people go abroad to experience the fruitfulness of benefits.
Firstly they earn more money by good jobs. Secondly, they obtain bright better career, so their standard of living may be improved. They fond to get more friends with different culture, behavior etc.. It is very blessed to get more friends from other countries. They will be travelling in the path of modern technology and language proficiency will be improved, it provides them more confident and courage. so that they can travel wherever they want.
To sum up, As like coin has both head and tail, every aspect has its positive and negative. Factually speaking people focus on positives more, thus influences the growing rate of migration to other countries.
kindly evaluate my writing and guide with your valuable sugg
Re: kindly evaluate my writing and guide with your valuable
Hello Jothi,
I’m by no means better than you but I can offer suggestions.
“When people go abroad they have to challenge much darkness to view brightness.”
I like that you’ve started off with a good quote. However, it is not necessary in my opinion to keep on using the metaphor of darkness and light in the following sentence. You could just point out that nothing good could be achieved without sacrifices etc..
“They may have thrilling and chilling thoughts about new environment, meeting new colleagues, getting exposure to variety of new experiences.”
Key words here: “exposure” and “new experiences”. Both are excellent choices in this context. But I would have tackled this differently; as in, pros and cons of studying abroad.
“In the world each country is unique and they have different culture, food pattern etc.”
I would have written: “Each country is unique and has different culture, cuisine, etc.
“Students who go abroad may be perspired because of new exposure.”
I’m not sure what you mean by “perspired” in this context. Perhaps you meant “aspire”?
“Language problem is the most important one.”
I would have written: “linguistic problems are the biggest challenge”, or “mastering a new language is the main challenge”.
“Even-though they are very fluent in English, probably they may face difficulty in understanding the slang and pronunciation, they feel like 'aliens' themselves without understanding the communication of others.’
Who do you mean by “they”? If it’s the students, then mention them specifically. Even though you might have to repeat the word “students” frequently in this piece, it is imperative that the subject in this sentence is clear to readers.
“Perhaps they may fell loneliness and homesick, since they are away from their family.”
I would have written: “Being away from friends and family, they may feel lonely and homesick”
General observation:
Each piece or essay should have a “flow”, or a train of thoughts if you like. One idea should lead to the next one, and a sentence should build on the one before it. It seems to me that your sentences are a little disjointed. The transition from one paragraph to the next should be smooth as well. (I noticed that you did not use paragraphs clearly).
I’m not a teacher so I can’t grade and I don’t really know what’s the most efficient way to improve your writing cohesion, but I can offer a suggestion: reading. Read editorials and op-eds. They are great for improving your capabilities in writing essay.
And most importantly, do not feel discouraged by criticism or negative feedback. Keep on writing!
I’m by no means better than you but I can offer suggestions.
“When people go abroad they have to challenge much darkness to view brightness.”
I like that you’ve started off with a good quote. However, it is not necessary in my opinion to keep on using the metaphor of darkness and light in the following sentence. You could just point out that nothing good could be achieved without sacrifices etc..
“They may have thrilling and chilling thoughts about new environment, meeting new colleagues, getting exposure to variety of new experiences.”
Key words here: “exposure” and “new experiences”. Both are excellent choices in this context. But I would have tackled this differently; as in, pros and cons of studying abroad.
“In the world each country is unique and they have different culture, food pattern etc.”
I would have written: “Each country is unique and has different culture, cuisine, etc.
“Students who go abroad may be perspired because of new exposure.”
I’m not sure what you mean by “perspired” in this context. Perhaps you meant “aspire”?
“Language problem is the most important one.”
I would have written: “linguistic problems are the biggest challenge”, or “mastering a new language is the main challenge”.
“Even-though they are very fluent in English, probably they may face difficulty in understanding the slang and pronunciation, they feel like 'aliens' themselves without understanding the communication of others.’
Who do you mean by “they”? If it’s the students, then mention them specifically. Even though you might have to repeat the word “students” frequently in this piece, it is imperative that the subject in this sentence is clear to readers.
“Perhaps they may fell loneliness and homesick, since they are away from their family.”
I would have written: “Being away from friends and family, they may feel lonely and homesick”
General observation:
Each piece or essay should have a “flow”, or a train of thoughts if you like. One idea should lead to the next one, and a sentence should build on the one before it. It seems to me that your sentences are a little disjointed. The transition from one paragraph to the next should be smooth as well. (I noticed that you did not use paragraphs clearly).
I’m not a teacher so I can’t grade and I don’t really know what’s the most efficient way to improve your writing cohesion, but I can offer a suggestion: reading. Read editorials and op-eds. They are great for improving your capabilities in writing essay.
And most importantly, do not feel discouraged by criticism or negative feedback. Keep on writing!
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: kindly evaluate my writing and guide with your valuable
hi,
Are you trying to write a poem? This is IELTS test. not a poetry contest...
this is the weirdest IELTS essay I have ever seen.
a few things to mention:
why studying overseas is "darkness"? avoid fancy ideas and try to write a boring and stupid IELTS essay in which you use understandable words to explain a super stupid idea. no need to be convincing. just demonstrate that you can use English to explain an idea.
too many grammatical errors.
I can't agree with some of your choosing of some words.
Is this the first IELTS essay you wrote?
few more suggestion:
try to figure out what is IELTS essay before you start to write one...
sorry for so much criticism on your essay. I am not qualified to judge your essay and I am just expressing my understandings.
BR!
Allen
Are you trying to write a poem? This is IELTS test. not a poetry contest...
this is the weirdest IELTS essay I have ever seen.
a few things to mention:
why studying overseas is "darkness"? avoid fancy ideas and try to write a boring and stupid IELTS essay in which you use understandable words to explain a super stupid idea. no need to be convincing. just demonstrate that you can use English to explain an idea.
too many grammatical errors.
I can't agree with some of your choosing of some words.
Is this the first IELTS essay you wrote?
few more suggestion:
try to figure out what is IELTS essay before you start to write one...
sorry for so much criticism on your essay. I am not qualified to judge your essay and I am just expressing my understandings.
BR!
Allen
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: kindly evaluate my writing and guide with your valuable
I thought about writing an essay of your topic.
however, it seemed to me that it doesn't looks like a real ielts writing topic. so, I gave up.
GOING ABROAD FOR HIGHER STUDIES IS A THRILLING IDEA FOR MANY PEOPLE. WHAT AR THE PROBLEMS FACED BY THE STUDENTS, WHEN THEY GO ABROAD? ALSO DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES OF STUDYING THERE.
are you sure they will ask "when they go abroad"? looks like a question in speaking test.
however, it seemed to me that it doesn't looks like a real ielts writing topic. so, I gave up.
GOING ABROAD FOR HIGHER STUDIES IS A THRILLING IDEA FOR MANY PEOPLE. WHAT AR THE PROBLEMS FACED BY THE STUDENTS, WHEN THEY GO ABROAD? ALSO DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES OF STUDYING THERE.
are you sure they will ask "when they go abroad"? looks like a question in speaking test.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: kindly evaluate my writing and guide with your valuable
Thank you my dears, for your valuable suggestions. I'm happy.
I'l practice more.
I'l practice more.