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hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:28 am
by priyanka
topic: Every year languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if tjere are fewer languages in the world.

Languages are the main form of a culture which describes and appreciates its values and its richness. Many countries and cities have their own language which makes people of particular background more comfortable in communicating with their close mates. It is important to preserve this culture and paying respect to our ancestors who have given their time and efforts in evolution of a particular language.

Languages are formed based on the social and cultural practices in a particular region. It explains how old the culture has been surviving and what importance it holds in a particular area or a region. The ethnicity of a culture is better understood with their practices, food habits and the way they communicate. In my home country , a language called Sanskrit is the oldest language we have known. Most of the oldest books and chanting mantras to god s are written in this language. But unfortunately not even one fourth of our population can speak or write this language. As a result it has been dying out slowly. For this purpose many schools have made this language as a compulsory first language, since then people are becoming more and more aware of it. They started appreciating the versus we chant for gods more and more and also many books written by our ancestors about our country and culture.Having a particular language to communicate with our family, close ones , friends definitely make people feel more secured.

A standardised language for education purpose, at work , for communicating with strangers , etc can be made compulsory because it surely makes the teaching and learning process much more easier and faster. World wide having a standard language for schools, universities and advertisements etc can definitely be beneficial.

In conclusion, preserving the language of our community is very important in my opinion as it defines as who we are and where we come from.Languages can be recorded and taught to our next generation even if we are away from our home country to pay respect to our ancestors and preserves its values.

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 1:47 pm
by mhingz
Correct me if im wrong but I noticed that you only mention the essay topic. What is the essay question? This would give the reader an idea if your writing a discussion or argument essay.

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:18 pm
by haritha208
I think you could score 7 for your essay

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 6:22 pm
by vinitm
Hi i would like to practise the same topic as this is my first time directly on this forum.please rate me :)

I understand that language is the important medium to communicate.This has been cultivated among the people of a specific region for expressing their emotional and physical attributes.I suppose in this era that language is the simplest way to express your self and to communicate to people all over the world.

People tend to learn new languages and more the languages known the better they co-op with thier enviornment.As we go back in our past, people lived in tribes, which bifercated them to have different caste and ultimately have different languages.Every tribe had their own culture and thier own tradition.So they depicted picture's first and later on they managed to write by learning languages from sign that they made to express through voice's and facial and physical expressions.For exmaple, the basic language we know that is mandatory to be known at present is french and english.So they learned to frame letters such as A,B,C etc from the voices that they made to communicate and it gradualy turned out to become a language.

As we see that the topic asks to evluate on the languages which are dying.I would like to comment that fewer languages would surely help us in making our lifes easier.It can also reduce language barrier.But at the same time we need to preserve those languages which are extincting because archeolgist find some artifacts and historical scrolls that are of a specific culture which cannot be understood.It can be encoded only by some scholars who have the exact knowledge of the language.

So i conclude that having fewer languages is a great perception but at the same time we need to preserve the languages that are very exclusive.

please grade me on my first attempt here directly on the forum.I'm qiute nervous about this. :)

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 10:42 am
by priyanka
the topic and the question is
every year several languages die out. some people thing that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 10:46 am
by priyanka
hi there, in your essay i feel u agree and disagree at the same time.. in conclusion para i feel you could just write down the points mainly about either u agree or disagree..

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 1:07 pm
by vinitm
k thanks so should i conclude on a decision rather than agreeing to both..if what if i want to agree on both note?

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:25 pm
by priyanka
go through ryan s videos on essay writting.. that will be very helpful..

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:26 pm
by priyanka
you can go through this link and find the videos..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFn4S3z_WO4

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:00 pm
by andytruong1202
priyanka wrote:topic: Every year languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if tjere are fewer languages in the world.

Language is the main form in many cultures in which its value and richness are appreciated. Many countries and cities have their own languages, which makes people with particular backgrounds more comfortable when communicating with their peoples. It is important to preserve this culture and pay respect to our ancestors who [color=#FF0000 contributed [/color]their time and efforts in the evolution of their own languages.

don't give many ideas in the introduction, they should be in the body.

Languages are formed based on the social and cultural practice in a particular region (what point are you trying to make in this topic sentence?). A language explains how old the culture has been surviving and how important it (what 'it' refers to?)is in a particular region. The ethnicity of a culture is better understood with their practices, food habits and the way they communicate. In my home country , a language called Sanskrit is the oldest language we have known. Most of the oldest books and chanting mantras to god s are written in this language. But unfortunately not even one fourth of our population can speak or write this language. As a result it has been dying out slowly. For this purpose many schools have made this language as a compulsory first language, since then people are becoming more and more aware of it. They started appreciating the versus we chant for gods more and more and also many books written by our ancestors about our country and culture.Having a particular language to communicate with our family, close ones , friends definitely make people feel more secured.

A standardised language for education purpose, at work , for communicating with strangers , etc can be made compulsory because it surely makes the teaching and learning process much more easier and faster. World wide having a standard language for schools, universities and advertisements etc can definitely be beneficial.

In conclusion, preserving the language of our community is very important in my opinion as it defines as who we are and where we come from.Languages can be recorded and taught to our next generation even if we are away from our home country to pay respect to our ancestors and preserves its values.
Try to make your reasons more clear. Better to have one reason in each paragraph, then expand that paragraph by explanations and examples.

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 4:14 pm
by jegankgm
Something i found,

Languages are the main form of a culture which(that) describes and appreciates its values and its richness. Many countries and cities have their own language which makes people of (the)particular background more comfortable in communicating with their close mates. It is important to preserve this culture and paying respect to our ancestors who have given their time and efforts in evolution of a particular language.

Languages are formed based on the social and cultural practices in a particular region. It explains how old the culture has been surviving and what importance it holds in a particular area or a region. The ethnicity of a culture is better understood with their practices, food habits and the way they communicate. In my home country ,(there should not be space between space and comma) a language called Sanskrit is the oldest language we have known. Most of the oldest books and chanting mantras to god s are written in this language. But unfortunately(,) not even one fourth of our population can speak or write this language. As a result(,) it has been dying out slowly. For this purpose many schools have made this language as a compulsory first language, since then people are becoming more and more aware of it. They started appreciating the versus we chant for gods more and more and also many books written by our ancestors about our country and culture.Having a particular language to communicate with our family, close ones , (there should not be space between space and comma)friends definitely make people feel more secured.

A standardised language for education purpose, at work , for communicating with strangers , (there should not be space between space and comma)etc can be made compulsory because it surely makes the teaching and learning process much more easier and faster. World wide having a standard language for schools, universities and advertisements etc can definitely be beneficial.

In conclusion, preserving the language of our community is very important in my opinion as it defines as who we are and where we come from.(Space needed)Languages can be recorded and taught to our next generation even if we are away from our home country to pay respect to our ancestors and preserves its values.

*** One more remark, reduce length.

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:24 pm
by priyanka
hi there, thanks a lot for the corrections.. had no idea there were so many mistakes:) will remember those points.. thanks again

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:40 pm
by durai
Every year languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.

Languages are the main form of a culture (which )that describes and appreciates its value("s'not required) and (its, remove it) richness. Many countries and cities have their own language (which) that makes people of particular background more comfortable in communicating with their close mates. It is important to preserve this culture(,) and paying respect to our ancestors who have given their time and efforts in evolution of a particular language.

Languages are (formed, remove) based on the social and cultural practices in a particular region. It( wrong pronoun, you said languages, but used singular pronoun, use "these") explain(remove "s") how old the culture has been surviving and what importance it holds in a particular area or a region. The ethnicity of a culture is better understood with their practices, food habits and the way they communicate. In my home country,( just name your country) a language called Sanskrit is the oldest language we have known. Most of the oldest books and chanting mantras to god s are written in this language. But unfortunately not even one fourth of our population can speak or write this language. As a result it has been dying out slowly. For this purpose many schools have made this language as a compulsory first( what do you mean by first language here) language, since then people are becoming more and more aware of it. They started appreciating the versus we chant for gods more and more( you repeated same phrase, usually they discard repeated phrases) and also many books written by our ancestors about our country and culture.Having a particular language to communicate with our family, close ones , friends definitely make people feel more secured. ( ok, basically , too long paragraph, find it hard to understand, some sentences are complex and doesn't carry any meaning, don't go more than 5 sentences per paragraph)

A standardized( "standard") language for (education, work and communication) education purpose, at work , for communicating with strangers , etc( don't use "etc") can be made compulsory because it surely makes the teaching and learning process much more easier and faster. World wide having a standard language for schools, universities and advertisements (etc) can definitely be beneficial. ( you didn't convince me with examples why universal language is supported by many)

In conclusion, in my opinion, preserving the language of our community is very important as it defines (as, remove) who we are and where we come from. Languages can be recorded and taught to our next generation even if we are away from our home country. this also pays respect to our ancestors and preserves its (their) values.


Task achievement is only half , because other view is discussed but not explained in detail.

CC- due to many wrong choice of word and incorrect sentence structure , logical flow is not sustained.

LR- though some good use of vocabularies but most of the time are inaccurate

GR & A- complex structures visible but errors are frequent.

overall looks like band 5 to 5.5 ( I am a test taker, but I assessed against writing band criteria)


Durai

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 3:57 am
by vinitm
Thanks for the link :)

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:11 am
by priyanka
tomorrow is my exam, and i now know for sure i am screwed:(

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 2:27 pm
by vinitm
Dont panic, stay cool and just say to yourself that you can do this. Wish you best of luck. you will do well dont worry. It's only the exam fear that is lowering your confidence. :)

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 7:34 pm
by priyanka
hey thanks a lot!! will remember that:)

Re: hi pls grade my essay, my exam is on 5th april!

Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 2:39 pm
by vinitm
hey how was your exam?