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Hi i would like to practise the topic as this is my first time directly on this forum.please rate me

Topic: Every year languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if tjere are fewer languages in the world.

I understand that language is the important medium to communicate.This has been cultivated among the people of a specific region for expressing their emotional and physical attributes.I suppose in this era that language is the simplest way to express your self and to communicate to people all over the world.

People tend to learn new languages and more the languages known the better they co-op with thier enviornment.As we go back in our past, people lived in tribes, which bifercated them to have different caste and ultimately have different languages.Every tribe had their own culture and thier own tradition.So they depicted picture's first and later on they managed to write by learning languages from sign that they made to express through voice's and facial and physical expressions.For exmaple, the basic language we know that is mandatory to be known at present is french and english.So they learned to frame letters such as A,B,C etc from the voices that they made to communicate and it gradualy turned out to become a language.

As we see that the topic asks to evluate on the languages which are dying.I would like to comment that fewer languages would surely help us in making our lifes easier.It can also reduce language barrier.But at the same time we need to preserve those languages which are extincting because archeolgist find some artifacts and historical scrolls that are of a specific culture which cannot be understood.It can be encoded only by some scholars who have the exact knowledge of the language.

So i conclude that having fewer languages is a great perception but at the same time we need to preserve the languages that are very exclusive.

please grade me on my first attempt.I'm qiute nervous about this.

Hi Vinitm,

The question you are responding to does not seem to have any instruction words. Are you sure you copied it completely?

Here are a few quick ideas:

Structure

Your essay reads as though little thought was put into structure. I feel you put to paper anything that pops into your head. Your first supporting paragraph does not seem to be focused on any one topic. You start with talk about tribes moving from pictures to phonetic writing. The way this ties to your examples of French and English and the manner in which all of this connects to the rest of the essay is unclear, as you fail to draw conclusions at the end of your supporting paragraphs. The reader is left to try and make logical sense out of several ideas that are not effectively connected together.

Thus, the very first thing I would suggest you do is spend some time studying essay structure. There are several YouTube videos that could be helpful here.

Grammar and Lexical Resources

You tend to use a lot of personal language in your writing (i.e. "I understand", "I suppose", "As we go back", etc). It is not an error to use this language, but please remember that writing in a more academic voice can help your language sound polished. It also provides opportunity to demonstrate increasingly complex grammar structures, like passive verb tenses. If I were you, I would restrict using personal statements to the thesis and any personal examples you share.

There appears to be at least one grammar issue in every sentence. You'll need to find someone to provide you with full grammatical cleanup of your writing from time to time to improve this area.

Coherence and Cohesion

You do make attempts to link ideas between sentences, and this is good. But I don't feel a central message is crystal clear in the essay. To improve this area, ensure you establish understandable links between paragraphs. Incoherence at the sentence level is also a source of confusion for the reader.

Overall, I feel the response does little to discuss the two sides (if this is what the task originally instructs you to do). Although difficult to weigh your Task Achievement mark, my best guess for this essay would be band 5.

Good luck,
Ryan

Hi Ryan,
That is a great piece of advice thanks i will surely try to work on that.
Can you mark where did i went wrong in the essay. I mean i know im asking more than i can expect because you have to respond to other members too on this forum but i wanted to see what mistakes did i make in the essay. I will be gratefull for all your help